tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55021738150030306712024-03-05T01:12:15.914-06:00Judah BuddhaJudah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-19242189432876635692014-01-01T00:00:00.000-06:002014-01-03T22:21:21.712-06:00The New Year: Completions and New Beginnings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-O83teRmIa8DKT2kT_-7rbSx31KSC8mHTJ45WXRAbx-f5o7coeMLVT07MdX7OJW6sQf7JB5REb4CorwbHzM626LwtNKS7Mxi8j8npXca9j9DoS2lJrE-AmTGaXBU1S1YpdH0hvbFHsDh/s1600/happy-new-year-2014-greetings+(2).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf-O83teRmIa8DKT2kT_-7rbSx31KSC8mHTJ45WXRAbx-f5o7coeMLVT07MdX7OJW6sQf7JB5REb4CorwbHzM626LwtNKS7Mxi8j8npXca9j9DoS2lJrE-AmTGaXBU1S1YpdH0hvbFHsDh/s200/happy-new-year-2014-greetings+(2).jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The New Year is a time we associate with completions and new
beginnings. We have the opportunity to
review from where we’ve come, and consider where we want to go. For the coming year, I share a modified
version of an exercise I call </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/new-year-looking-back-looking-forward.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Looking Back, Looking Forward</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. This one places
more direct focus on three key aspects of creation: </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Be/Do/Have</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Grab a journal
or open a new document on your computer or tablet, and let’s dive in…</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;">Part 1: Looking Back</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">To move forward, we must first look backward. <b>We start by reflecting on our successes and
lessons, and finish by declaring completion and celebrating both what we have
and have not achieved.</b> We get to define what
we consider “success,” as <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/you-win-because-you-say-so.html" target="_blank">winning</a> is in the eye of the beholder. Many of
our most significant accomplishments have involved “failure” to help us gain insights
or knowledge into ourselves and others, and perhaps what we want, need, or will/won’t
do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">By reflecting on these successes and
lessons, we are better able to choose who we want to be as we engage and
interact with the world. And we must
then let it all go by completing and celebrating the past and choosing to move
forward without regret or attachment to what <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="_blank">coulda/shoulda</a> been. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Looking at who you were being (Be), what you have done (Do),
and your results (Have), reflect and respond to the following questions:</span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;">Successes:</span></b> What have I created/accomplished this year, and
why is that meaningful?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;">Lessons:</span></b> What have I learned this year, and what are the impacts
of those lessons?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;">Completions:</span></b> Whether I achieved them or not, what goals from
last year do I want to declare “complete” and move on (without guilt, regret,
or “</span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">should</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">”)?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;">Celebrations:</span></b> What do I want to acknowledge as my biggest takeaways
from this past year, and how will I celebrate them?</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b>Part 2: Looking Forward</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t believe in resolutions and feel they can be
detrimental to a person’s experience of themselves. This is because resolutions are typically created
from a “fix it” point of view, and often result in negative feelings if/when
they aren’t achieved and sustained. I also
caution against creating too many goals or changes at once. There are studies that show that likelihood
of success declines as the list of goals/changes grows. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is far more effective to <b>identify and commit to 2-3 key <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="_blank">SMART</a> goals/targets that are personally meaningful and born out of choice and not <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="_blank">should</a></b>.
Let’s now focus on looking forward into the new year with an eye on
creating and committing only to what you really want.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: orange; font-weight: bold;">I. Assess Your Current State</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Start by taking a litmus test for
where you are right now.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Consider how
fulfilled you are in various areas of your life – career, health,
relationships, etc.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Take this </span><a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/wheeloflife.html#" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Wheel of Life assessment</a><b style="font-family: inherit;"> </b><span style="font-family: inherit;">to get a sense
of your levels of satisfaction and expression.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Or you can jump straight to the </span><a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/results.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">results section</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> for a list of questions
to ponder.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;"><br /></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: orange; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: large;">II. Visualize Your Future</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now that you know where you are, take
a long view on who you want to be and what you want to do/have this year.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Project yourself out to December 31, 2014 and
reflect on all you’ve experienced, created, and learned over the past 12 months.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">What will you include on your Looking Back for 2014? </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">What
does it feel like to have these successes and lessons?</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">What
value, impact, and meaning would that have for you?</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;">Who were you being that made that possible?</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="color: orange;"><span style="font-size: large;">III. Set Targets</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Identify 2-3 targets that are important to you
this year.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The more challenging the targets, the
fewer you’ll want to commit to.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Don’t be tempted to take on everything.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> If you are concerned about follow through, perhaps you may want to focus on only one critical, meaty target this year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Examples of broad targets: “focus
more on health and fitness” or “be more patient with my kids.”</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Specific targets may read like: “grow my practice's revenue by 20%” or “get accepted to grad school.”</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">However you define the targets, you will be more successful if they align
with your vision above, are grounded in your personal </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">values</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, and you truly want them enough
to commit wholeheartedly. Half-ass commitments make for half-ass results (if any).</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">IV. <span style="font-family: inherit;">Define Your Approach</span></span></b></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF4iBfGm7cIuNRIvxM26en9aw6w8-G-gOOy131VPa_qRF2V9Ve84Q5IMrEzvpAsFQbLlESYd1g0APZ5MNVWD17WgBb6XRQlzQTHQIWDCrA3PynqQZEFDEehpLrRMwog76ujEVnvYLFfVSO/s1600/Be+Do+Have.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF4iBfGm7cIuNRIvxM26en9aw6w8-G-gOOy131VPa_qRF2V9Ve84Q5IMrEzvpAsFQbLlESYd1g0APZ5MNVWD17WgBb6XRQlzQTHQIWDCrA3PynqQZEFDEehpLrRMwog76ujEVnvYLFfVSO/s200/Be+Do+Have.jpg" width="190" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Be-Do-Have Model</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For each target, you will want to get
super clear on the details.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your level
of specificity and commitment has a direct relationship to the likelihood of
achieving your end goal.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you find it
challenging to complete the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="_blank">Be/Do/Have</a>, you may need to go back and refine/revise
so each target is clear and meaningful to you.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Taking each target one at a time, complete the next section.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">A. Be (Who/Why): </span>Start with the heart.</b> Consider who you want/need to be to achieve this target, and why it is meaningful to you. Your motivation to start and sustain anything will be impacted by how connected you are to the value and meaning your targets have for you. Also consider what is the mindset and sets of behaviors that will make it possible for you to hit your target? Do you care enough to fully commit to this target? Complete the following statements:<br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>This target is
personally meaningful to me because...</i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>To achieve this target,
I commit to being...</i></span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b>Example - Be</b></i></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Target #1: Create and engage in a health and fitness regime that works for me</span><br />
<ul><span style="font-size: x-small;">
<li><i>This target is personally meaningful to me because...</i> my health is critical for my own mental and physical well-being, and it plays an essential part in me being able to be/do/have everything I want in my personal and professional life. A focus on health and fitness will give me more energy, allow me to better manage stress and anxiety, and help me overcome my issues with insomnia.</li>
<li><i>To achieve this target, I commit to being... </i>present and intentional, in integrity about doing what I commit to, and willing/open to seek support and allow others to hold me accountable.</li>
</span></ul>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="color: orange;">B. Do (How): </span>Create a plan of action. </b>Identify the actions necessary for accomplishing
this target, and then break those down into </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/04/baby-steps-get-you-there.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">baby steps</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. Be as </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">SMART</a><b style="font-family: inherit;"> </b><span style="font-family: inherit;">as possible: Be </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">specific</i><span style="font-family: inherit;">, put the steps into </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">time</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> (by when),
and note any </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">resources</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> needed (tools, people, dollars, time commitments) to be
sure you are super clear about what you are undertaking and whether it is </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">realistic</i><span style="font-family: inherit;">
and </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">achievable</i><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The example below shows
how to break down a broad target like “exercise” into specific actions you can
take -- to build a roadmap for achieving your target. It will look like this: Target >> Activities to reach that target >> Clearly
defined baby steps/support structures for accomplishing those activities</span></div>
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<i><b>Example - Do</b></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Target #1: Create and engage in a health and fitness regime
that works for me</span><br />
<ul><span style="font-size: x-small;">
<li>Activity 1A: Exercise for 1 hour minimum 3x/week</li>
<ul>
<li>Define activity options [such as 3 mile run, stretching, cardio/weights,
palates class, etc.]</li>
<li>Renew gym membership by January 7 [or join a softball team,
or…?]</li>
<li>Download JIFIT app for tracking my workouts by January 10 [for
accountability and measurement]</li>
<li>Identify 1-2 workout buddies by mid-January [for
accountability and support]</li>
<li>Etc.</li>
</ul>
<li>Activity 1B: Be mindful about what I eat</li>
<ul>
<li>Cut out refined sugars and processed food</li>
<li>Identify healthy eating options near my office</li>
<li>Bring lunch to work 2x/week</li>
<li>Etc.</li>
</ul>
<li>Activity 1C: Focus on my fluid intake</li>
<ul>
<li>Limit alcohol to 1x/week (wine/beer only) through February
28</li>
<li>Drink 64oz of water per day</li>
<li>No soda or artificially sweetened drinks</li>
<li>Etc.</li>
</ul>
<li>Activity 1D: Create structures for mental and spiritual
wellness</li>
<ul>
<li>Identify a therapist by January 15; commit to 1x/week</li>
<li>Attend a yoga class 2x/month</li>
<li>Meditate daily for 5 min. every morning at 7am</li>
<li>Research approaches to managing my stress and sleep issues</li>
<li>Etc.</li>
</ul>
</span></ul>
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</span></blockquote>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">C. Have (What/When): </span>Define measures, milestones, and results. </b> What will be the indicators that you are making progress? At what points will you reassess and what accountability structures will keep you on track? What will be the results, outcomes, and impacts if you are successful in achieving your target?<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Example - Have</i></b></span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Using the same target as above, here are some potential options:</span><br />
<ul><span style="font-size: x-small;">
<li>Measure your body at the start and create points (monthly, quarterly?) at which you will measure change in inches (decrease for weight loss; increase for muscle gain)</li>
<li>Track your activities and progress (however you define it) by using your calendar, Excel, an app on your phone, or even a wall chart with gold stars (if that motivates you)</li>
<li>Keep tabs on how you will feel (more energy, longer/better sleep, improved mood) by keeping a journal or asking for periodic feedback from people around you</li>
</span></ul>
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</span></blockquote>
The main objective is to be super clear about what you are shooting for as your results, and how you will measure them along the way. This will help you evaluate progress, and to fine tune the actions and baby steps to keep moving toward your goal. <b>Be sure to create some rewards (big and small) for accomplishments of all kinds (big and small). There needs to be some play in this if you want to keep yourself motivated over the longer-term. </b></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><b>V. Take Action</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>This is where the rubber meets the road. </b>What will be your first steps (i.e., today,
this week, etc.)? Do you need to create some
structure and accountability by putting things in your calendar, finding an
accountability buddy, or partnering with someone so you don’t have to do it
alone? If you are really serious and
committed to achieving your targets, consider all the resources you have at
your disposal, including people. In
other words, don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help. </span></div>
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<span style="color: orange; font-size: x-large;"><b>Final Note</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You have the power to create your experience this year by
being conscious and intentional about who you be and what you do. What you will discover over time is the “have”
is part results and part impact. It’s a
process of “becoming” as you continue to commit, take action, refine your approach,
and allow the tangible and intangible results to unfold. <b>What you learn and how you grow can sometimes
be just as if not more significant than what you actually achieve. Be open to that and you will likely enjoy the
experience more.</b></span></div>
</div>
Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-572354038009067102012-07-15T13:53:00.000-05:002012-07-15T14:29:18.550-05:00Your Personal Brand: Part 2 – Putting Yourself Out There...Thoughtfully<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje83oZTKZutAoIOPuwOEG5HhqmDM0uJwWc-nSn-QifjEpYbUhuGIngr-O43cZzEsnuCWNj5pbRwFAzCiudrD45ZI_njptVqIdZbt-PETiNQ55RTfpwJORDLE-4roBituUX-yYi5sRQd8gO/s1600/Personal+Brand.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="125" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje83oZTKZutAoIOPuwOEG5HhqmDM0uJwWc-nSn-QifjEpYbUhuGIngr-O43cZzEsnuCWNj5pbRwFAzCiudrD45ZI_njptVqIdZbt-PETiNQ55RTfpwJORDLE-4roBituUX-yYi5sRQd8gO/s200/Personal+Brand.png" width="200" /></a></div>
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There are many reasons to invest time in your personal
brand: to obtain/change a work role in a similar or different field, start or
grow a business, or simply because you want to put some conscious effort into how
you are “putting yourself out there” as a person and a professional.</div>
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In <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2012/02/your-personal-brand-part-1-evaluating.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> of this discussion on personal branding, I focused
on helping you answer foundational questions about your core self – how you see
yourself, what’s important to you, and how you want to be seen. In Part 2, I provide a few recommendations that may help to consider as you define your approach and methods for expressing your
personal brand. </div>
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Ultimately, you want to communicate who you are in such a way that it is authentic and creates a foundation of trust. You want to be true to you, while you are
establishing <b><span style="color: orange;">credibility, reliability, and intimacy</span></b> (pieces of “<a href="http://davidmaister.com/books.bookChapters/4/63/" target="_blank">The Trust Equation</a>”). What you create on- and off-line are a representation of who you are (and say you are) and impact how you are perceived. Therefore, you will want to <span style="color: orange; font-weight: bold;">be thoughtful
(and often strategic) in what you say, do, and what your “artifacts” say and do
for you.</span></div>
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“Artifacts” are the various external pieces you create that
serve as your expression and how people come to know you. Examples range from work products, to “marketing
pieces” (website, resume, social networking profiles, collateral materials), to
your social media and thought leadership (blogs, Tweets, and posts), to your contributions on
discussion boards. This even extends to conversations people have about you in the press,
testimonials, or through “word of mouth.”
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While the way you physically present yourself through your
appearance, actions and interactions all impact others’ perceptions, your artifacts
are an additional (and important) method for helping others to understand
who/what you are about. In this “online
world,” artifacts show up when people do a web search on you – so you want to
be smart about what’s associated with your name and business.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">When “putting yourself out there,” consider these best
practices: </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Be strategic. </span></b> It is
important to be clear and intentional about why you are doing what you’re doing. What are you known for – or want to be known
for on a deeper level? What are you
attempting to create or achieve? These
questions (and the foundational work you did in <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2012/02/your-personal-brand-part-1-evaluating.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a>) will help you zero in
on your specific intentions and will continually act as your guide in
determining which methods and story will serve you best.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Be consistent.</span></b> Take
the time to consider your communication plan: messaging, method, and
frequency. Identify your point of view,
foundational beliefs/tenets, and key messages so you are clear and focused in
what you put out there. Don’t try to be everything
to everyone – keep your focus tight. You
may center around a niche, area of expertise, or content you believe will help establish
you as an expert or “go to person” on specific topics. Consider the best methods and avenues for
delivering those messages, and create a schedule for when/how often you will
get in front of people (regular intervals like monthly near the 1st, every
Monday, 3 times a week, etc.).</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Be impeccable. </span></b> Do
your research, and ensure quality and accuracy in your output (including
spelling!). If you intend to craft
multiple artifacts, don’t overextend or dilute by trying to do too much too
soon – especially if you don’t have adequate time and energy to give it the
attention. Choose consciously,
intentionally, and wisely. It’s better
to do a couple of things really well than to be mediocre at a variety of
things. </div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Be yourself. </span></b>Be sure to show your personality, passion, unique point of view. Yes, you need to be strategic and tactical...and it is equally important to be you. <span style="background-color: white;">Help people get a sense of who you are and what you care about. </span><span style="background-color: white;">You are more likely to create connection and trust if what you put out there resonates and feels authentic. </span>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Be courageous (fear + action).</span></b> Don’t be afraid to try things out so that you
can tweak, iterate, and evolve to better hone your approach and thought capital. This post is not meant to scare you into not
pulling the trigger or taking a risk.
Rather it is meant to encourage you to invest time and thought before diving
in. </div>
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So, go ahead and start that blog, but carefully plan your
messaging and frequency of posting.
Create your website, resume, and social/professional networking profiles, but
<b><span style="color: orange;">consider the story you want to convey</span></b> and what you are hoping to achieve. When you Tweet, post, or comment on
discussion boards, remember that people will be reading them and forming
opinions about who you are… so you’ll want to be conscientious about what your
“shares” are doing for (or against) you.
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>Your personal brand is a huge component of your relationship
with others – in other words, it is your means for interacting, creating
impressions, and having intended and unintended impacts on those around
you.</b></span> We have always heard from parents
and the like that it’s what’s on the inside that really matters. This is absolutely true. However, it is equally important to consider
the perceptions others have of you. </div>
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Your brand is already out in the world, and it is up to you
to consider whether it is meshing up with your inner reality such that it
serves as the most authentic representation of you as possible. Therefore, it’s crucial to be conscious of
BOTH who you are and how you’re being seen – for success in both the personal
and professional spheres.</div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-89488114839280137182012-03-31T09:22:00.000-05:002012-04-02T13:47:30.772-05:00Job and Career -- Same or Different?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ynKSNIuGNnYLqV0m7LNwmO74-fs4H9qNtCZ9_gceb8P6m1trjSS_ycu_ngAKd4xHOQQb91AF3v6qwDRtkdk0KoEdYI4VJYB9oQJcELEIzy5Oc2ehEknoG4mSQicStqMXKc8s3h96qVMG/s1600/Apple+and+Orange.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1ynKSNIuGNnYLqV0m7LNwmO74-fs4H9qNtCZ9_gceb8P6m1trjSS_ycu_ngAKd4xHOQQb91AF3v6qwDRtkdk0KoEdYI4VJYB9oQJcELEIzy5Oc2ehEknoG4mSQicStqMXKc8s3h96qVMG/s200/Apple+and+Orange.jpg" width="185" /></a></div>
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Last week, I was on an NPR radio program called <i><a href="http://www.wbez.org/programs/afternoon-shift-steve-edwards" target="_blank">The Afternoon Shift with Steve Edwards</a></i>, where we focused on
career changes (<a href="http://www.wbez.org/blog/bez/2012-03-26/mondays-game-plan-afternoon-shift-employment-benefits-97632" target="_blank">to listen, click on “Career Shift”</a>). In the discussion, I made a distinction I
have made many times before – the difference between job and career – and thought
it was worthwhile to elaborate here.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">A job is something that provides you with the resources to
live your life (hopefully well), while a career may or may not pay at all</span></b> – but
is what you <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="_blank">be/do</a> to live your purpose and passion. This is important to note, as many feel that
there is something wrong if job and career aren’t the same thing. Let’s talk more about the differences.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Job</span></b></div>
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A job is a role that funds your housing, your lifestyle,
your kids’ education… giving you an income, health benefits, and the <b><span style="color: orange;">resources to
finance your personal wants and needs</span></b>. You
may love it, you may like it, or you may willingly tolerate it because of what
it provides you. Of course, you may hate
it, but that’s another issue I won’t cover in this discussion.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">Career</span></b></div>
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Career is what you do in life that brings you pleasure,
fulfillment, that sense of losing yourself in the flow of the experience, is
founded in your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="_blank">values</a>… and <b><span style="color: orange;">you LOVE it (on a deep level)</span></b>. It may be your craft, your art, your
expression, or even expertise you have honed over the years. But you don’t have to be making money doing
it for it to be your career. </div>
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Your job may bring you all of these things, but I argue it’s
completely okay if it doesn’t. The most
important thing is you feel satisfied in all areas – career and job. Sometimes it’s more important to have the job
and security while having the freedom to play elsewhere.</div>
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With clients, I have them work through an exercise called
the <a href="http://judahkurtz.com/wheeloflife.html#" target="_blank">Wheel of Life</a>, where they rate their levels of satisfaction along various dimensions
like Health, Love, Career, and Money. I usually
end up asking whether their work roles would fit better in their Career sector or
in their Money sector. <b><span style="color: orange;"> Some are very clear about their Career sector, while others are taken aback when they realize their work is a job, not a career – and it fits better in their Money sector. </span></b></div>
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When separated out, it is possible to have a much richer (and
more accurate) conversation. You may be
a doctor, a writer, or a barista – and each could be looked at as a job or career, or
both. It depends on your perspective and
how you experience each of them. </div>
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More than one client has come to me saying that they are
dissatisfied with their careers when they are really referring to their
jobs. In these cases, <b><span style="color: orange;">we will often focus
on both career and job as two separate things</span></b>.
Let me share an example that illustrates this distinction very well.</div>
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>The Situation:</b> </span>A client began coaching with the complaint
that she was unhappy at work and wanted a change so she could focus on her art. </div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">The Evaluation:</span></b> We started by taking a look at sources of her
dissatisfaction. We evaluated how she was
approaching her role, the actual work she was doing, and the nature of his interactions
and relationships in the office. Because
she had a tendency to avoid conflict, she was not standing up for herself and
claiming what she needed to be effective and fulfilled – both in and out of the
office. At work, disagreements and
issues with her manager were not being addressed. In her off-hours, she was not investing in
her creative life by carving out time and space for her writing and painting.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">The Approach:</span></b> We worked on her emotional intelligence, communication
and organization skills, and she talked with her manager to explore her career
development path and possibilities. In parallel, we found ways for her to engage in creative activities (her art and other things) outside
of work.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">The Realization:</span></b> As we dug in, she started realizing that
the dissatisfaction was coming less from the role, and more from her. This desire to leave her work role to do
something more creative was only part of the picture. As she consciously worked on resolving the
issues in the office, she actually started enjoying what she was doing more and had improved interactions with coworkers. The more time she put aside in her
off-hours to focus on her art, the more she felt she was getting the creative
expression she needed.</div>
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>The Big Take-Away: </b></span>She recognized that she wanted both a job
and a career, as separate things. Her
work role, which paid for her paints and travel and ability to live, was her
job – and she liked it. But her career
was her art, and <b><span style="color: orange;">she realized that she would be miserable and would end up
resenting her art if she had to rely on it as her source of income</span></b>. </div>
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One last story: There
are three bricklayers and each are asked why they do the work they do. The first says, “I do it for the money.” The second says, “I do it for my family.” And the third says, “I am building a
cathedral.” The first two are probably jobs
(resources) to these bricklayers, while the third is a career (fulfillment). I would argue that none is inherently better
than the other, as they each serve a different purpose, and each could lead to satisfaction
and fulfillment if framed appropriately.
<b><span style="color: orange;">Is your job your career, and does it have to be for you to be happy?</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-26269506559446285972012-02-27T09:48:00.000-06:002012-02-29T10:32:55.586-06:00Your Personal Brand: Part 1 – Evaluating and Defining<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVWGY58iI6myiQtJ8suA2TD1ylIZfWwv8pEXlnHypeJ7-QEvoW3cdqcj0VCo8RKowYAo-WGmCWP9iy3OE5hV2_hTnX07HfbyOmuPpu9R0y9v8bAk710n5srZKmb8uCJYhr4uDLLxW1vY9/s1600/Personal+Branding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVWGY58iI6myiQtJ8suA2TD1ylIZfWwv8pEXlnHypeJ7-QEvoW3cdqcj0VCo8RKowYAo-WGmCWP9iy3OE5hV2_hTnX07HfbyOmuPpu9R0y9v8bAk710n5srZKmb8uCJYhr4uDLLxW1vY9/s200/Personal+Branding.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
On Friday, I sat on an alumni panel sponsored by <a href="http://www.sesp.northwestern.edu/msloc/" target="_blank">Northwestern University’s MSLOC program</a> as part of a “Brand Yourself” series. The discussion centered on the panelists' stories and experiences in <b><span style="color: orange;">developing and marketing a personal brand to help achieve our career goals</span></b>. To view a recording of the virtual panel, go <a href="https://nwuniversity.adobeconnect.com/_a799312996/p7rptepl4ws/?launcher=false&fcsContent=true&pbMode=normal" target="_blank">HERE</a>. I provided a 30 minute talk, but thought it would be helpful to share some of my insights in a post.<br />
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My career story has seen some twists and turns, and has not been without challenge. Most of the past twenty years have been spent working closely with CEOs and leadership teams (1994-2008), while I concurrently completed three academic degrees and multiple professional certifications (1997-2009), and grew a consulting practice (2000-present). This was all with the intention of broadening and deepening my expertise and experience in the individual, team, and organizational spheres.</div>
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As I focused intensely on my own personal and professional development, I was learning a great deal about how to present and position myself to best navigate through my career. <span style="color: orange;"><b>Both unconsciously and consciously, I was creating what has become my personal brand.</b></span></div>
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When thinking about personal brand, what comes to mind? Is it your resume, or your online presence? Is it how you portray yourself to colleagues at work or at networking events? Is it how your friends and family see you? Is it how you express your values on a daily basis? The answer is YES to all of these questions, and more. </div>
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<span style="color: orange;"><b>The thing to remember is: your personal brand is already out there, whether you like it or not.</b></span> Google yourself and see what comes up. Those are the things that hiring professionals will view when they inevitably investigate your online presence when considering you for a job. Your Facebook posts and LinkedIn copy all say something about you, and it’s the reader who decides who you are to them (perceptions are their realities). So, it’s important to do an audit to see what’s currently out there, and consider whether it aligns with how you want to be perceived.</div>
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I’ve extensively discussed the importance of starting with your core for everything you want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="_blank">be/do/have</a>. Developing your personal brand requires the same process, but has both strong internal and external considerations. It’s about who you are, and what you’re about, as well as who your audience(s) is and how you want to be seen. Let’s look at some key questions to ask yourself:</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">INTERNAL</span></b></div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Who am I and what’s important to me? Consider:</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Purpose (What/Why)</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Passions (What/Why)</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="_blank">Values</a> (Why)</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Strengths (What/How) – innate and able to be developed</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>WIIFM – What’s in it for you?</div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What impact do I want to have? For whom? This is both short- and long-term.</div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What do I want to be known for? By whom? This may be about developing expertise or leaving a legacy.</div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Where am I blocked? This may be about fear that stops you or derailers that get in your way.</div>
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<b><span style="color: orange;">EXTERNAL</span></b></div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Who is my audience / target market? Consider both personal and professional, depending on your business.</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>WIIFT – What’s in it for them? What can they gain? </div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What do they want? </div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What is needed “out there”? Is there a gap I can fill?</div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How can I best represent myself?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How do I see myself?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How do others see me?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Where is the disconnect?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How do I want them to see me?</div>
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•<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What is my story?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What story am I currently telling?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>What do I want to tell?</div>
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–<span style="font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How might I reframe or alter the story?</div>
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The last part focuses on your story. When I refer to that, I’m not suggesting it’s about a tale you spin. Rather <span style="color: orange;"><b>it’s your authentic truth and how your life, work, and life’s work have unfolded – and how you give a narrative of that journey</b></span>. It’s about putting into words and actions your core self, manifesting something in the world. This is what will show up as your personal brand. </div>
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As <a href="http://www.bookyourselfsolid.com/" target="_blank">Michael Port</a> says, your brand will look, sound and feel like you, and will be easily recognizable as your essence. You will want it to be clear, authentic, meaningful, and consistent. This will help make it feel real and memorable for others, prompting them to say, “Oh yeah, [name] is the person you want to reach out to for help with [expertise].” Or, “[Name] is my go-to person if I want deeper insights and guidance about [topic].” Or, “If you need really good [product/service], you will want to check out [name].”</div>
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To get there, you will need to <b><span style="color: orange;">do the upfront introspection, conduct an audit of what currently exists, determine your intentions, and set a strategy and plan for how to be intentional about designing your personal brand</span></b>. You have to consider what you are about, what your offer is, and how you will talk about you/it. Determine:</div>
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<ul style="margin-top: 0in;" type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal">Who you are at your core, what you stand for, and why you do what you do</li>
<li class="MsoNormal">The specific, topics, issues, or problems you focus on (and solve?)</li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Who your various audiences are and who you impact (or intend to)</li>
<li class="MsoNormal">The results you achieve – both tangible and intangible</li>
<li class="MsoNormal">Why people should work with you or buy what you’re selling (literally and figuratively)</li>
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Put some time into working through these questions and areas to consider, and evaluate what you define your personal brand to be (or want it to be). <b><span style="color: orange;">Remember: It’s already out there. It’s up to you to determine whether it is an accurate, authentic representation of who you are and how you want to be seen...and what you want to do about it.</span></b> </div>
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In Part 2, I will discuss some tactics and specific approaches to personal branding I have found to be effective.</div>
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<br /></div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-17652390532544537532011-12-30T10:37:00.001-06:002011-12-30T10:38:18.337-06:00Reflect, Celebrate, Create Anew<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1hH7p3ZKumkFR4aajnQIuCfWm18hyQwMOXatM20KDprZ3AbuGMy-ABDjCAiuZaMHZf13AejOrdOkiecOO5jjmVkS76wblVLvBnM2xzBD0aCUU1Dx0QQlMJ8bvp9xLDLhLcjHdouOVwibX/s1600/ReflectCelebrateCreate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="129" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1hH7p3ZKumkFR4aajnQIuCfWm18hyQwMOXatM20KDprZ3AbuGMy-ABDjCAiuZaMHZf13AejOrdOkiecOO5jjmVkS76wblVLvBnM2xzBD0aCUU1Dx0QQlMJ8bvp9xLDLhLcjHdouOVwibX/s200/ReflectCelebrateCreate.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">2011 has been quite a year – for everyone I know. It has been challenging on every front, but has also been <b><span style="color: orange;">a year in which we have learned a great deal about ourselves, and our wants and needs. And there has been a large string of <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/you-win-because-you-say-so.html" target="_blank">wins</a></span></b>. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">We can get so caught up in the go-go-go of the holiday season, and the pressure that comes with “wrapping up,” we forget to take the time to authentically pause (not just rest) and reflect on all the <b><span style="color: orange;">successes and lessons</span></b> we have experienced.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">REFLECT</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Every year, I do the comprehensive <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/new-year-looking-back-looking-forward.html" target="_blank">"Looking Back, Looking Forward (LBLF) exercise"</a>. And 2011/2012 will be no different. Rather than rehashing it for you, I’ll let you click over there yourself and run through it. Instead, I want to focus on some key points. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Of course, reflect on the year and consider these questions:</div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li>What did you accomplish that you intended to accomplish?</li>
<li>What did you accomplish above and beyond what you intended?</li>
<li>What didn’t you accomplish that you intended?</li>
</ul>However, I want emphasize the many lessons you’ve had. In the face of challenge, you either meet them head on, avoid them and deal with the consequences, or suffer through the experiences. In any case, you <b><span style="color: orange;">always come out the other side having grown in some way</span></b>. For each instance, I invite you to focus on:<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"></div><ul><li>What actually occurred</li>
<li>What you did to address the issues (or not)</li>
<li>Who you were (or not) that brought you success (or not)</li>
<li>Who/what you choose to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="_blank">be/do</a> going forward</li>
</ul>Reflect on what you did and did not do, but take the time to identify what you learned. If you are not yet clear, reflect on that and come to some understanding so that you can acknowledge your strength, perseverance, and <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/11/lifes-challenges-expand-your-capacity.html" target="_blank">capacity</a> for handling the many bumps that life presents to you along your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="_blank">journey</a>.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;">CELEBRATE</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: orange;">It took something for you to push through, to walk through the fire, to come to some new realizations about who you are and what you want/need.</span></b> Celebrate that. Even if the outcome was not what you were hoping or expected, remember that these experiences were custom created by and for you so that you can learn some important aspects about yourself and life that are essential for your future. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="color: orange;">Learning and growth are important, so don’t forget to celebrate this.</span></b> And of course, don’t skirt over the many accomplishments and successes you’ve had over the year – no matter how big or small. Each are <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/you-win-because-you-say-so.html" target="_blank">wins</a>, and it is essential that we give ourselves credit and snaps for every step that got us there. They are not just items you are ticking off your “to do” lists.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: orange; font-size: large;"><b>CREATE ANEW</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Be sure to do the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/new-year-looking-back-looking-forward.html" target="_blank">LBLF exercise</a> now. Don’t put it off, as you want to start the new year off with clarity and power. Leave 2011 in 2011, and design your 2012. This is not a series of New Year’s resolutions, as I don’t believe in fixing and correcting. Rather, I believe in creation and commitment based on your core <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="_blank">values</a>, your heart’s desire, and what you know you want for yourself and your life moving forward.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Again, this is about <b><span style="color: orange;">what you want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="_blank">be/do/have</a> in the coming year</span></b>. This is also about what you want to learn. Just like creating a development plan at work, consider what you want to focus on in your own life and put some <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="_blank">SMART goals</a> in place so that you can make them happen. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Clearly, life will throw new experiences at you and you will need to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/11/allowing-river-to-carry-you.html" target="_blank">allow the river to carry you</a> where it will, but you will find that if you <b><span style="color: orange;">place some emphasis on growth and development as a goal, it will be less stinging when something unexpected shows up</span></b>. You can say to yourself, “Ah, here’s an opportunity for me to expand who I know myself to be,” and look for where you can bring the very best of you to the table. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One final thing I like to do is create some themes for myself for the year – in other words, setting some specific intentions. For 2011, I created three key themes that I defined at the end of 2010:<br />
<div class="MsoNormal"></div><ol><li>Phoenix – completion <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">à</span> rebirth <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">à</span> growth <span style="font-family: Wingdings;">à</span> expansion</li>
<li>Opening of self to other realms of thought, heart, and spirit</li>
<li>Abundance and freedom</li>
</ol>Because I set those intentions, I am able to see that is exactly how 2011 went down. It puts it all into a context I remind myself of – both as I went through the year and as I wrap up 2011. I am formulating my 2012 themes as we speak, but I know they will include digging deeper, <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/11/lifes-challenges-expand-your-capacity.html">expanding capacity</a>, and building.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
As you consider your 2011/2012, remember to return to your core by defining/honoring your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="_blank">values</a>, incorporating both successes and lessons, and celebrating how beautiful your life is/has been. You made it happen. And will continue to do so, whether you do the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/new-year-looking-back-looking-forward.html" target="_blank">LBLF exercise</a> or not. However, <b><span style="color: orange;">the more clear and intentional you are, the richer the experiences in 2012 will be.</span></b></div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-88883487917844899992011-11-21T12:00:00.000-06:002011-11-21T13:26:32.453-06:00Allowing the River to Carry You<br />
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<b style="color: orange;">There is an art to the act of surrender.</b> It requires a belief that all will work out
for the best (successes and lessons), and having trust and faith in ourselves,
others, and/or something larger than us.
This is no simple feat, yet it can be much easier than we make it if we “allow”
it to be.</div>
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<b style="color: orange;">I am a master of scenario planning.</b> When faced with a decision, challenge, or
even a possible situation, I identify and examine all the potential outcomes I
can imagine. With that, I work backward
and distinguish the issues that might arise, the resources I have and may
require, and what choices I will need to make – all the way up to the immediate
moment.</div>
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<br /></div>
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While this might sound like intelligent strategizing and
preparation, <b style="color: orange;">it can be maddening and a source of worry and stress</b>. Particularly when these scenarios are only
possibilities, or when I only have limited information. I can put myself on a hamster wheel, turning
the thoughts over and over looking for holes and missing pieces to the
potential outcomes and courses of action.
I recognize that while there are unknowns, I can make some reasonable
assumptions and plan accordingly. </div>
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<br /></div>
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This vigilance (or hyper-vigilance) is useful to a point,
but it is also detrimental. <b style="color: orange;">It takes
away from being present and fully able to objectively see all points as they
arise.</b> If our minds are directed toward
a particular course, set of criteria, or potential warning signs and triggers,
we are more likely to see only that. There is a need for certainty and a sense of
control, attempting to be adequately prepared for most any situation. </div>
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<br /></div>
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However, there needs to be a balance. The motto of the US Coast Guard has always
resonated with me – <i>semper paratus</i> (“always ready”) -- and I have lived much of
my life by that. However, as I’ve witnessed
all the stress and worry I inflict upon myself over the years, I am finding it
equally important to cultivate this idea of “surrender.” Let me share a metaphor that helps me
visualize this act of “letting go.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="color: orange;">Imagine yourself in a small canoe on a wide, powerful
river.</b> You have a pair of oars and are paddling
madly, attempting to direct yourself upstream.
You are struggling and sweating to row against the current, fighting to move
in the opposite course from where the river is taking you. You suffer and stress for fear of what’s
around the bend and are doing your best to resist, defend, and survive.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Now imagine that this river is life, a <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="_blank">journey</a>, and your
situation. That there will be many
twists and turns ahead that you can’t quite see, but the river is your friend. Any waterfall or jagged rocks you meet are
there for you to navigate around and through, and you get greater experience
and wisdom with each encounter. You and
your little canoe are safe, and you can trust it will be a wild ride
that can be fun if you let it be. But
also know this: <b style="color: orange;">the river is going to take you there whether you like it or
not</b>. You can struggle and suffer and fight
the current, or you can take a different tack.
</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take a deep breath, mustering the strength and courage to
have faith and trust in you and life. <b style="color: orange;">Picture
yourself pulling your oars into your canoe, surrendering and allowing the river
to carry you, whatever may come.</b> This
does not mean that you can’t consider the “what ifs” and potential scenarios
and make some preparations (steering the canoe with your oars). But it will allow you to let go, relax, and
pay greater attention to the scenery as its occurring. Calm and focus will better allow you to effectively
respond to whatever arises than you having your head down with your arms frantically
paddling against a powerful force.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I might say <i>carpe diem</i> (“seize the day”) as a Latin companion
to <i>semper paratus</i>, recognizing that <b style="color: orange;">there is a balance between being prepared
for the unforeseen future, while drinking in the now and relishing its fragrant
bouquet</b>. However, I think I’d prefer to
close with a quote from the 1986 film character, Ferris Bueller: “Life
moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could
miss it.” If you keep focus on fighting
the current, you’ll miss out on not only life, but the many signs along the way
that can help you navigate your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="_blank">journey</a>.</div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-31462840219283534992011-10-31T10:32:00.000-05:002011-11-21T12:02:54.920-06:00Life’s Challenges Expand Your CapacityLife will throw a lot at you, sometimes more than you believe you can handle. However, it’s an interesting <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey</a> to discover how much capacity you actually have to manage and push through the challenges that cross your path. <b style="color: orange;">Walking through the fire is hard, but trying to walk around it is ultimately harder (and more time/energy consuming).</b><br />
<br />
When we are faced with challenges in life, it is our opportunity to pay attention. Whether we choose to look, listen, and continue to ask the questions is up to us. We are presented with opportunities to either play victim and bemoan our fate or to learn how our <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/setting-intentions-choosing-versus.html" target="choices">choices impact our experience</a>.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: orange;">We ultimately create the situations in which we find ourselves.</b> At times, we can feel like life is being done <b style="color: orange;">TO us</b>, that we are a victim of the world “out there” and of our circumstances. The truth is: life is being done <b style="color: orange;">BY us</b>. We make a series of choices that lead us to this point -- both internally and externally -- when we choose a certain perspective or course of action.<br />
<br />
I have said before in another post: <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/11/you-are-exactly-where-you-are-supposed.html" target="supposed">you are exactly where you are supposed to be</a> because that is where you are. Consider what you are meant to be learning right now. Take an objective look and evaluate how and where you may be the source of your suffering or situation, and what actions (or non-actions) brought you here. What are you discovering about yourself, your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a>, your desires and passions, and what you <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/06/value-of-saying-no.html" target="no">do and don’t want</a> in your life? What is important to you and where do you want to go next?<br />
<br />
If you are unclear, start <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/03/following-breadcrumbs.html" target="breadcrumbs">paying attention to the breadcrumbs</a> and follow those until you get find greater clarity. If you know where you want to be/go, <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/04/baby-steps-get-you-there.html" target="baby">take some baby steps</a> to allow you to inch your way little by little toward your objectives. The key thing is to get clear, make some choices that are in alignment with who you are and want you want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="be">be/do/have</a>, and take consistent action (no matter how small).<br />
<br />
The final piece is to cultivate <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/08/gratitude-whats-present-vs-whats.html" target="_blank">gratitude</a>
for these experiences, these opportunities. They are being delivered
to you for a reason, and it is up to you to <b style="color: orange;">make the most of them so you
can push forward powerfully into the next chapters of your life</b>. Say thank you,
even if you feel frustrated or discouraged, and allow yourself to
surrender to the larger forces at play. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/11/allowing-river-to-carry-you.html" target="_blank">Surrender</a> does not
imply giving up. Rather it is about letting go of fighting the current,
and allowing the water to carry you. <br />
<br />
Through this process of living life, we discover that the <b style="color: orange;">Universe/God/Life gives you only as much as you can handle.</b> By observing, releasing the garbage that we put in our own way, and cultivating some faith in ourselves and something bigger than us, we realize that <b style="color: orange;">our capacity is much larger than we ever knew</b>. Look back 10 years ago and you’ll likely see how far you’ve come. And 10 years from now, you will reflect on this time and recognize how important it was for your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey</a> and development.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-7497062715217229672011-08-31T07:14:00.000-05:002011-09-04T20:08:25.121-05:00In Your Mind’s Eye: Positive and Negative Thought<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We live in a world where resources seem scarce, where time and money (and the list goes on) appear to be the reasons why we can or cannot <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html%20" target="be">be/do/have</a> what we want. We crave, we plan, we strive, and we sometimes get it and sometimes we don’t. Or at least that is how it appears. <b style="color: orange;"> The reality is: we more often than not get what we place our attention on.</b> If we freely dream without attachment, somehow it makes it to our doorsteps. When we focus on all the reasons why it’s not possible, or on all the things in our way, we often run into exactly that – all the constraints, and challenges.<br />
<br />
This is an old idea, borrowed from the en vogue conversation about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_Attraction" target="law">Law of Attraction</a>, which loosely states that <b style="color: orange;">“like attracts like.”</b> What is meant by this is our positive thinking manifests positive physical results, and our negative thoughts attract its likeness, namely impediments and negative outcomes.<br />
<br />
This is a great concept, but it’s not as clear cut as the idea implies on the surface. <b style="color: orange;">We don’t usually think in individual positive and negative thoughts separately, but think of them concurrently.</b> We may wish for something (positive), but at the same time think of all the perceived reasons, past history and experiences, and problems (negative) that stand in our way from having it. So, these two battle themselves out, with the negative thoughts usually being much stronger than the positive ones – winning the argument and ultimately resulting in struggle and/or negative results.<br />
<br />
<div style="color: orange;">
<b>Some Examples</b></div>
<blockquote>
<b>Romance</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Perceived positive desire: “I want to be in a romantic relationship.” </li>
<li>Contrasting negative thoughts: “I have not had luck with this, and I can’t seem to ever meet anyone worth being with…I try and fail and this is going to happen again…Why do I always have to be alone? Why do I always meet jerks?” And on and on… </li>
<li>Result: The negative thought is really strong and you end up meeting people that are not a match, or struggle to meet anyone at all, or worse, you never put yourself out there to begin with… resulting in no relationship. </li>
</ul>
<b>Money </b><br />
<ul>
<li>Perceived positive desire: “I need money so I will no longer struggle to survive.” </li>
<li>Contrasting negative thoughts: The thought above has both a positive desire and negative thought combined. </li>
<li>Result: This thought is coming from a place of lack and poverty, not from a place of strength, abundance, and a wealthy state of mind. So, what you attract is more of the same. </li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
These are just a couple of simplistic examples, but you can likely see how these may show up for you in a variety of forms. And they can be applied to career, health, relationships, and anything else that you may want in your life.<br />
<br />
<b style="color: orange;">Now What?</b><br />
<br />
What is needed is an opportunity to <b style="color: orange;">get into your mind’s eye, into the heart of the desire, and to give yourself permission to think freely about what you want</b>. To dream, to let go of attachment to the end result, and to hand it over to God/Universe/Whatever to align you with your desire. And key to this is to get out of your own way by resisting thoughts about all the impossibilities and historical “failures.” <b style="color: orange;">I know that sounds really “woo-woo” and New Age-y, and that’s okay.</b> What you have been doing up to this point has had limited success, so it may be worth a try. <br />
<br />
<b style="color: orange;">Suggested Path</b> <br />
<ol>
<li><b style="color: orange;">State it.</b> Formulate your desire into a highly positive form that feels good to you. Resist “need” or “fix-it” language. The more specific the better. For example, “I want a loving romantic partnership” or “I have more money than I know what to do with.” Pretty inspiring right?</li>
<li><b style="color: orange;">Dream it.</b> Think freely about all aspects of having that desire fulfilled. DO NOT think about the “how” or any of the reasons why it’s not possible or can’t happen. Give yourself permission to imagine yourself standing in that place of <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html%20" target="be">being/doing/having</a> whatever you are wanting as if it existed NOW. Imagine that partnership, and how you feel, what you are doing together, what your life looks like. Imagine having a full bank account and no needs unmet. The richer the picture, the better. Collage it, write it out, brainstorm with a friend, fantasize.</li>
<li><b><span style="color: orange;">Play Nice. </span></b>This is the hard part: manage your <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%20http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/02/your-inner-critic-is-liar.html" target="critic">inner critic</a> (the liar!). Resist the urge to cut it down to something more “realistic,” as well as to cut yourself down with statements like “I don’t deserve it” or “I won’t ever get that!” Just keep focused on your statement and on your dream.</li>
<li><b style="color: orange;">Leave it Alone.</b> For a time, don’t go to the “how” or to “doing” unless something shows up that feels like a natural action. If it’s useful to you, give yourself a time frame for it, like: I will focus on my positive desire for a month without focusing on “how,” then do that.</li>
<li><b style="color: orange;">Pay Attention. </b> As you keep focused on your desire, you will see things popping up, both positive and negative that reinforce or detract from the possibility of what you want. Just notice them and let them go. If the positive ones feel worth investigating (like: your friend invites you to a networking event), go for it. If the negative thoughts draw you in (like: “my credit card debt is out of control”), notice what they are about and see if there is something you need to address. Sometimes the perceived negative thoughts are your path to positive results. Otherwise, follow step #3 when it comes to the negative.</li>
<li><b style="color: orange;">Follow the Breadcrumbs. </b> When you are ready to take action, read <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/03/following-breadcrumbs.html" target="breadcrumbs">this post</a> to push forward. </li>
<li><b style="color: orange;">Be Open. </b>Lastly, don’t be attached to the final outcome. It may not look like you originally intended, but it will be necessary for <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/11/you-are-exactly-where-you-are-supposed.html%20" target="journey">your journey</a>. And you will learn more about yourself in the process. </li>
</ol>
<div style="color: orange;">
<b>What you put out there is what you get in return. Focus on the positive, and manage the negative, to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html%20" target="be">be/do/have</a> what you want in your life. It sounds simplistic, and it really is if you can get out of your own way.
</b></div>
Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-56424604149423055532011-07-31T10:01:00.001-05:002011-08-01T21:06:29.232-05:00Redux: It's Time for Your Mid-Year Review<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgftCvoyV-_qlZO-TByJ43bRFX4egqQjqT2H0t1dljwq9nONiK4LaHyP9nXsN1sFQHMxSwS6Czaj9DhlYsVnWJJ6pCPo1DY-IxgohdX9wt6hVy1cVMQTk9dA7Cr7ikYIqDBkPS02Y_QMhL6/s1600/Goal+Setting.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 132px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgftCvoyV-_qlZO-TByJ43bRFX4egqQjqT2H0t1dljwq9nONiK4LaHyP9nXsN1sFQHMxSwS6Czaj9DhlYsVnWJJ6pCPo1DY-IxgohdX9wt6hVy1cVMQTk9dA7Cr7ikYIqDBkPS02Y_QMhL6/s200/Goal+Setting.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5490496652320594642" border="0" /></a>We just passed the mid-year mark for 2011. How is 2011 going? <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Are you where you’d like to be?</span> It’s time to go back and review your goals for the year and celebrate what you’ve accomplished, revise as needed, and create some new ones. If you don’t have a 2011 plan, this is as good a time as any to <span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">design a road map for where you’d like this next six months to go</span>.<br /><br />This is a fairly quick, easy process. Here is a step-by-step guide for getting yourself on track for the second half of the year:<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><br /><br />Part I - Put the past behind you and celebrate</span><br /><blockquote>1. Reflect on the first half of the year. Whether you created goals or not, you had some ideas/intentions about what you wanted to create this year. Honestly answer these three questions:<ul><li>What have you accomplished that you intended?</li><li>What have you accomplished above and beyond what you intended?</li><li>What didn’t you accomplish that you intended?</li></ul>2. Acknowledge yourself for both what you have and have not accomplished. Celebrate consciously – without judgment or criticism – both your successes and your lessons. Celebration can come in many forms – from the larger (a purchase, an event, etc.) to the smaller (some form of self-care gift, a metaphoric pat on the back, etc.).</blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Part II - Assess where you are now</span><br /><blockquote>Do the <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/wheeloflife.html" target="new">Wheel of Life assessment</a> to check in on how satisfied you are with each area of your life. Take a few notes on which slices of the pie need focus, consider what you want for yourself and your life, and create some objectives.</blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Part III - Plan for the future</span><br /><blockquote>1. Create concrete <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="new1">SMART goals</a> that include both a clear, concise description of what you want to create/accomplish, as well as a time-frame or “by when” date.<br /><br />2. Put the goals in your calendar. For those that you intend to accomplish in the nearer term, block out chunks of time in your schedule for you to take action. If you don’t make the time, you won’t achieve the goals very easily.</blockquote>For a more comprehensive discussion, review my <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/new-year-looking-back-looking-forward.html" target="new2">blog post on New Year’s planning</a>. It has a lot of detail on this process of looking back and looking forward, as well as recommendations for how to get the most out of both planning and execution.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Take the time to do this work.</span> You will not only be clearer about the actions you want to take, but will feel more confident knowing that you have a plan for consciously creating the life you want and deserve. And on December 31, you’ll have that much more to celebrate!Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-51973508661706759792011-06-30T11:26:00.001-05:002011-07-02T11:50:19.449-05:00Your Job: Before Pulling the Plug…<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Qb2ngtrJdqte0CsFPjA3Fxdpyhwka6oiCP_Jzdhbh0ip-UxpmrCC475AWX2S1__NY6BIASie8t9gXqVAmu68ExMUEcGTd1YQa18ZhQ_9PfBYPajGRD_zGBMOWQhXNZLINOlSmPuj9O3/s1600/Pull+Plug.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 132px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE5Qb2ngtrJdqte0CsFPjA3Fxdpyhwka6oiCP_Jzdhbh0ip-UxpmrCC475AWX2S1__NY6BIASie8t9gXqVAmu68ExMUEcGTd1YQa18ZhQ_9PfBYPajGRD_zGBMOWQhXNZLINOlSmPuj9O3/s200/Pull+Plug.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624797721907348418" border="0" /></a>Recently, I was extensively quoted in the <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304319804576389632624395522.html" target="wsj">Wall Street Journal</a>, as part of a career Q&A piece by journalist <a href="http://online.wsj.com/search/term.html?KEYWORDS=ELIZABETH+GARONE&bylinesearch=true" target="garone">Elizabeth Garone</a>. The discussion was a response to a reader’s question about what she should consider when evaluating whether or not to quit her job. You can of course <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304319804576389632624395522.html" target="article">read the article</a>, but I thought it was worth following up with a blog post that includes my full commentary.<br /><br />To start, honestly <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">ask yourself some key questions to identify whether you have completely explored your options at your company</span> – in your role, your division, and other areas of the organization.<br /><ul><li>What has kept you from advancing in your company/career? How much is you and how much is them? </li><li>Have you talked with your manager to fully evaluate your development and career track? </li><li>Have you done the leg work by researching open and upcoming job opportunities internally? </li><li>Are there any individuals whom have a role you’d like to grow into, and would they be willing to mentor you?</li></ul>While there are companies and managers that are great people developers, you cannot assume they will take care of your wants and needs. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">It is your responsibility to take control of managing your career.</span> Only after you’ve fully exhausted these routes, it’s time to do some soul searching.<br /><br />First, look within and at your life to determine if it’s truly your current situation that is causing your dissatisfaction, or if <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">there might be other non-work areas affecting your level of engagement and fulfillment</span>. Take the <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/wheeloflife.html" target="wheel">Wheel of Life assessment</a> to get clear.<br /><br />Next, get specific about what you like and don’t like about your current situation. What <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a> do you need satisfied to be happy? What you want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="bedohave">be/do/have</a> in your career moving forward? <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Where do you envision yourself</span> over the next 5, 10, 20 years, and how might you achieve that?<br /><br />Be sure to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">have conversations with people in your network</span>. Talk to friends and family, a mentor, <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coaching.html" target="coach">a coach</a>, or counselor. Investigate what opportunities exist and consider making a strategic move. In this day, <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">leveraging your relationships</span> is the only way to land a new gig. Keep in mind that people are more often than not willing to help. It makes them feel good, and it’s good karma.<br /><br />Finally, remember one thing: wherever you go, there you are. Changing companies or roles may not be enough to make you happy. If you want to explore another kind of work, it may be wise to stay put for a time while you evaluate next steps. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Do the deep work to explore you, so you can get clear before you pull the plug.</span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-79518695419772753842011-05-31T08:34:00.000-05:002011-06-01T08:40:30.576-05:00Choosing Your ExperienceYou have a say in how you experience life. You have the power to choose at every moment who you want to be and what actions you want to take. I have written a lot about <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/04/practicing-being-access-to-present.html" target="setting">setting intentions as an access point to being present</a>, and of the importance of <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/setting-intentions-choosing-versus.html" target="choosing">choosing versus reacting</a>. It requires understanding and paying attention to who you are, what’s important to you, and what you want, so that you can make choices that are reflective of these factors. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">The ability to choose your experience is not out of reach.</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> </span>But you need to be clear about what you want your experience to be, set intentions, and commit to your part in making it happen… at least for you. When embarking on any endeavor or experience (a conversation, an event, a trip, a new job), ask yourself these questions:<br /><ul><li>What do I want this experience to be?</li><li>Who do I need to be for that to happen?</li></ul>For example, let’s say you are visiting family for the holidays. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">While you have no control over others, you do have the ability to set an intention for the kind of experience you want to have and choose how you will interact and respond.</span> If you say you want the event to be joyful, loving, and drama-free, who and what are you bringing to the table? <br /><br />Who you may need to be for this to be your experience is patient, kind and generous with your words and deeds. It may require that you let go of any resentments you hold. It may take being bigger than the patterns you typically fall into when around your family. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">It takes practice</span> to be more conscious than not, to choose versus react. You won’t be perfect. You may get triggered. You may forget about your intention and your commitment to yourself. But you have access to it any time: You can remind yourself of the experience you want to have and your part in it. You can choose for the 100th time to let go of resentment and find your generous self in the moment. You can take a risk and do something different than you normally do to bring fun to the experience. But you have to keep practicing.<br /><br />It’s surprising how effective these two question are. At the outset of an experience, if you <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">earnestly and authentically</span> set your intentions for the experience and yourself, you will find that it is more likely to go that way. <br /><br />Even if you only remember it intermittently, or forget altogether, <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">your intentions have greater power than you realize</span>. You are more likely to take particular actions and show up a little differently than if you go in blindly. Others may actually alter how they are being as a result of who you are being. And at very least, when you finally do remember your intentions – even if only after the experience is over – you have useful material for self-reflection. The next time you are in a similar situation, you may find yourself more aware and better able to choose.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-21010814837004799182011-04-11T12:30:00.004-05:002011-04-11T12:49:38.383-05:00Baby Steps Get You There<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGDrl9rpMnDX1edveawnVjCCtVinrRIEqpPbzZ_lIUg75CMqoF4-QD9ofubOzaNotwI47IJ2VWcE4byhkR6dSi0zuYP-yDAc_-hpYd8fmf6pGZ-ODSHSz655XrHkTgtAXMXNNzZ0muFFkI/s1600/BabySteps.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 131px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGDrl9rpMnDX1edveawnVjCCtVinrRIEqpPbzZ_lIUg75CMqoF4-QD9ofubOzaNotwI47IJ2VWcE4byhkR6dSi0zuYP-yDAc_-hpYd8fmf6pGZ-ODSHSz655XrHkTgtAXMXNNzZ0muFFkI/s200/BabySteps.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594384439814966930" border="0" /></a>You’ve been “<a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/03/following-breadcrumbs.html" target="breadcrumbs">following the breadcrumbs</a>” and are feeling ready to take action toward what you want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="bedo">be/do/have</a>. Except, a sense of overwhelm sets in as you contemplate what may seem like a massive goal or undertaking, and worry whether you can achieve it.<br /><br />Making changes in life or tackling big projects can sometimes feel very daunting – especially when juggling a busy schedule, various relationships, and multiple priorities. If approached systematically, however, it does not have to feel like an all-or-nothing situation.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">The key thing to remember is: every endeavor is a series of small steps and milestones.</span> Your success is dependent upon having and working a plan, and committing to action by taking "baby steps" with persistence and consistency. Over time, the cumulative effect of those steps build momentum and bring you toward each milestone, and an eventual finish line.<br /><br />Picking up from step 6B in the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/03/following-breadcrumbs.html" target="breadcrumbs">Following the Breadcrumbs</a> post, here are <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">instructions on how to create and take those baby steps</span>:<br /><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Make Your Plan.</span> <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="SMART">SMART goal setting</a> will help you with this, so you can get super clear about what you are trying to achieve. You will be specific, have a way to measure it so you know whether you’ve accomplished your goal, and will have a time-frame established as a “by when.” </li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Align With Your Core.</span> Reacquaint yourself with the purpose for what you want to create or accomplish by identifying where it aligns (or not) with your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a> and what’s most important to you. This will serve as a foundation and touchstone to keep you motivated when you feel the desire to delay or quit. </li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Envision the Desired Outcome.</span> While it’s important to focus more on the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey</a> than the destination, it helps to have a good idea of the direction you are heading. Spend some time getting a clear picture in your mind’s eye of you crossing the finish line, how you will feel, and what life will be like. If it helps, draw it out, collage it, or write a description. Again, it’s a motivator, and a magnet.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Create Milestones.</span> Take that SMART goal, and break it down into markers along your path. Every project or undertaking has smaller achievements along the way. Imagine this as shorter term goals on the way to your larger one. Therefore, the milestones should also follow the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="SMART">SMART goal format</a>.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Create Baby Steps.</span> Take the first milestone and break it down further into smaller, more manageable bite-size chunks. Depending on the objective, these may be “baby steps” you take every day or a few times a week. However, if you find that the steps are extending out more than once every couple of weeks, you probably need to break the steps down into even smaller steps so that there can be frequent forward movement.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Work Your Plan.</span> This is where the rubber meets the road. Do whatever planning will help you, but make sure not to stay here longer than necessary (analysis-paralysis). Take action, and make tweaks to your plan along the way as you learn more about yourself and what is necessary to get to your first and subsequent milestones.</li></ol><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Because these "baby steps" are small, you can sidestep overwhelm. They help you move gradually, while building momentum toward what you want with a sense of accomplishment and pride.</span> You may have some bumps along the way, but it will be up to you to keep an eye on yourself. Be sure you are managing your time and energy effectively (read <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/02/key-to-effectiveness-timeenergy.html" target="time">this post</a> for some tips), <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/09/planning-your-procrastination.html" target="procrastination">plan your procrastination</a> (if you have this tendency), and <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/asking-for-help.html" target="ask">ask for help</a> if you need it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">The key to success is consistency and persistence</span>, and keeping in touch with your core (step 2) and vision (step 3). Having a motivating context, clear structure, and set of steps will help you stay inspired. You will also feel <span style="font-style: italic;">pulled</span> toward your end goal rather than experiencing it like you are in a <span style="font-style: italic;">constant push</span> toward the finish line.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-48490870395249043612011-03-04T10:11:00.003-06:002011-03-04T13:20:41.393-06:00Following the BreadcrumbsYou may be great at making plans and tackling goals, but <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">what do you do when you are not really sure what you want to <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coachingphilosophy.html#being" target="be">be/do/have</a> or how to get there?</span> Perhaps you know the specifics (or have a general picture) but have simply never pursued it before so don’t know the necessary actions. Or maybe it’s even vaguer than that: “I know I want something different, but I’m not even sure what that something is!”<br /><br />Lately, I’ve found myself talking a lot about this with clients that have a sense that they want something, whether their idea is crystal clear or totally vague, and are needing guidance on what steps to take to reach their objective. If it’s something that we know how to do, we can <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="plan">create a plan</a> and set up <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coachingphilosophy.html#baby" target="baby">baby steps</a> for getting to that goal. However, when we don’t know the steps or we don’t know whether this is the “right” or “best” goal, we have to take a more indirect path.<br /><br />I have been saying that we need to “follow the breadcrumbs.” In other words, <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">we have to take one step, see what insight is gained, then make a choice on what next step to take, and repeat</span>. It takes faith and trust that the path will be revealed to us as we move toward the desire. If the pursuit is rooted in core <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a> and what’s important to us (take the <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/wheeloflife.html" target="wheel">Wheel of Life assessment</a> and look at <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/results.html" target="results">Results section</a>), the end result of this <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey</a> will be worth the effort. We also have to relinquish an attachment to it looking a certain way, so there is freedom and <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/opening-up-space.html" target="space">space</a> for it to show up just as it’s meant to – and it will be perfect, just as it is.<br /><br />Using “change in work” as an example, here are the broad stroke steps to take in this process of “following the breadcrumbs”:<br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 1. Identify Desire –</span> State as much as you know right now. If it’s clear that you want a new job but not sure what area to pursue, that’s okay, just say that. If you are not feeling stimulated in your day-to-day and you want to feel excited about what you’re doing, then say that. Be as clear as you can.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 2. Paint a Picture –</span> Again, this is about getting as specific as possible. Outline as much detail as you can so that you at very least can narrow down your “search parameters.” If you want that new job, is it in a particular sector? Do you want it to be as an independent or working for a small/medium/large company? Are there any particular characteristics that you must have or do not want? If it’s the general “needing stimulation” desire, would you be open to keeping your job as is and finding stimulation in your outside activities? If you were to find what you were looking for, what would it feel like to be doing it and what would your ideal day or week look like? Be as specific as you can.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 3. List Your Resources –</span> Make a comprehensive list of everyone and everything you know that may be of use to you finding out what you are looking for. Who do you know in the areas you are interested in pursuing? What websites exist? What companies may fit your profile? Who has an experience of work that is passionate about what they do and would they be willing to talk with you? Identify potential informational interviews, articles and books worth reading, and people who might be able to shed some insight. Brainstorm ideas with others and don’t be afraid to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/asking-for-help.html" target="ask">ask for help</a>, so you can leverage all your resources (and even others’ resources).</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 4. Pick a First Step and Take It –</span> With an eye on getting clarity around what work might be a good fit for what you are looking for, identify one step to take to help you get clear… and take it. Send a few emails out to friends and colleagues asking for assistance – whether that’s a general request for information, a chance to talk about their experience, or even a contact of someone they believe you should be talking to. People are usually pretty willing to help, and they often feel good doing it (a gift to you both). Start reading a book or digging into a particular subject area on the web. Suck in as much information as you need for now.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 5. Follow the Breadcrumbs –</span> With each new bit of information, you are hopefully getting a little clearer about what you want and don’t want. Meet that person for coffee and pick their brains, jot down your notes as you read your book/websites, talk with friends about what you are trying to achieve and interview them for suggestions on what they see for you (or suggestions they may have).</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 6A. Repeat Steps 1-5 Until Clear –</span> Now that you have more information, go back to step 1 and cycle back through the 5 steps. What do you desire now? Paint the picture, revise your list of resources, and take another “first step” to follow that next breadcrumb. It may seem labor intensive, and may take a few cycles through the process over days, weeks, or months depending on the complexity of the desire or the depth of “confusion” about what you want or where to go. But, clarity does come if you invest the time, energy, and desire in your pursuit.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 6B. Stop and Go –</span> If after step 5, you know what you want and how to get it, stop the evaluation process. Now it’s time to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="plan">create a plan</a> by setting up the targets, milestones, and action steps to attain it… and pushing ahead toward your goal/desire.</li></ul>Yes, this whole process is vague. But it’s a step forward. What you will find is your intention to gain clarity will actually drive momentum, and attract to you so many surprising “coincidences” and “serendipitous” experiences. It’s shocking. And <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">it can even be fun if you let it be, and are willing to release the need for it to look or turn out a certain way</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">One word of caution:</span> Guard against analysis/paralysis and perfectionism – particularly if you have a fear of taking steps before all your ducks are in a row. Pull the trigger – you have more than one bullet. Pull it again and again with the idea that it will eventually hit something and provide you with some good information/insight.<br /><br />Finally, remind yourself repeatedly that this is supposed to be abstract, that “confusion” is part of the process, and it takes time. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Strive for patience, and allow curiosity to drive you.</span> You’ll likely feel less frustrated and may open yourself up to a whole new view of who you are and what you’re capable of.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-74282365282840336542011-02-18T10:36:00.006-06:002011-02-18T12:17:26.153-06:00Key to Effectiveness: Time/Energy Management<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DYCIvgmY30zyiHbJ3V8HcQdoECNegwlP68A05Dqt2xWuCmzixQCj2lOKJk2-EO1Lyz01fZdvCd65x4mcAk0tZBUfxzKaWaDy6M4UMcuSW_YuW1NcC3rlW8F0DcOgF1EetoRwd9ynT1mx/s1600/TEMgmt.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4DYCIvgmY30zyiHbJ3V8HcQdoECNegwlP68A05Dqt2xWuCmzixQCj2lOKJk2-EO1Lyz01fZdvCd65x4mcAk0tZBUfxzKaWaDy6M4UMcuSW_YuW1NcC3rlW8F0DcOgF1EetoRwd9ynT1mx/s200/TEMgmt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5575079346677084738" border="0" /></a>We all know about managing our time, and may be pretty good at it. But are you aware that it is just as <span style="font-style: italic;">if not more</span> important to manage your energy? <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">When you are not focused on how you are committing, expending, and replenishing your energy stores, you are far less effective in all areas of life and work.</span> It’s about being strategic and tactical in how you organize yourself.<br /><br />To follow is a select list of useful approaches for managing your time and energy. While there are a million and one techniques, here are some of my best practices:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Powerfully Use Your Calendar</span><br /><br />Of course, this is the starting point. Regardless of whether you prefer paper or electronic, the important part is to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">honor your schedule as a declaration of your commitment to yourself and others</span>. Stick to it, but also be flexible enough to adjust your approach as needed.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Take Stock</span> – Do an honest evaluation of how you are </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:78%;" >really</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> using your time. Just like the budget exercise of writing down every penny you spend to understand your habits, it’s good to track your time for a week or two. Notice what you are doing, when, and how long it generally takes to complete each task. Make adjustments to your scheduling as necessary.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Match Energy to Activities</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – There are times of day when we are better at specific activities, and it’s important to think about when is best for you. For example, I prefer to do my writing, technical analysis, and tasks requiring the most intense thought first thing in the morning. While I can certainly do them later, I like to tackle them while I’m fresh and less distracted. I schedule exercise in the afternoon around lunch hour when I need a break and can use an energy boost.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Plan Your Week</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – Taking time to think about your week before it begins better sets you up for success. Sunday evening is great for this because it allows you to reflect on your previous week (what worked and didn’t), capture the items you want to carry forward, and start blocking out your schedule.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Pay Yourself First</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – Block out times in your calendar for <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/self-care-pause-and-refuel.html" target="selfcare">self-care</a> and what’s important to you. Some of these may be: wake/rest time, exercise, dates with your spouse, activities with your children, creative time, commitments to self/others, etc.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Schedule Positive Habits</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – Just like paying yourself above, your calendar can support you in creating and maintaining any positive habits you are trying to establish. You may put in simple things throughout the day like meal planning, working out, or even reminders to breathe. </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Block Out DNS Time</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – Because I know I need time to myself where I don’t have any activity scheduled, I make sure of it by putting DNS (“do not schedule”) blocks down periodically. If something comes up, instead of removing it, I’ll shift it to another day close by.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Allow Buffer Time</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – It’s a general rule of thumb that everything takes longer than you initially think it’s going to. When planning, be sure to not only tack on a little breathing room for each activity, but also put buffer time before and after. </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Anticipate Travel Time</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – If you have appointments at different locations, be sure to build into your schedule travel time to get from Point A to Point B. Punctuality is not only about respect for the other party, but proper planning will allow you to feel less stressed and rushed.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Plan Your Procrastination</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – I wrote a whole blog post about this <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/09/planning-your-procrastination.html" target="procrastination">HERE</a>, but I can’t emphasize this enough. Know you will likely put off some things, or they may simply get pushed back by unanticipated issues. Anticipate that and build that into your schedule.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Commit 5 Minutes in the Morning</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> – When you first get up, take a quick look at your calendar and mentally prepare yourself for your day ahead. Check for discrepancies, and add additional items like “return call to X” so you make the time to be on top of some of your to-do items.</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Control Your Email</span><br /><br />This is a huge time and energy suck. While it’s essential to our productivity, it’s important to keep an eye on this.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Hold Off on Logging On</span> – Don’t start your day with getting on your email. This is doubly true for entrepreneurs. Email pulls you in and it’s hard to get out. There are few emails that can’t wait an hour after you get out of bed. Do your self-care and grooming activities, review your day, and take care of tasks that require the most focus.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Sort with Filters</span> – Go through your email and set up automatic filters for different types of email. Send your reading and subscriptions into one folder, your daily deals/shopping into another, and your social media (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) into another. Etc. You’ll have less email in your inbox, and will be less distracted by miscellany. You can also go to each folder, do a quick scan, and delete en masse. </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Keep your Inbox Tidy</span> – When done with messages, consider deleting or filing them away as soon as you can. This will minimize the amount of messages sitting in your box.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Star/Flag Messages</span> – You don’t have to respond to everything right away. Scan your messages, deal with most important first, and use the “star” or “flag” to mark messages you want to deal with later.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Use RSS Feeds and Instapaper</span> – Consider deleting your newsletter subscriptions and set up RSS feeds instead so that they can be directed to your favorite feed reader. For web pages that you’d like to read later, consider using <a href="http://www.instapaper.com/" target="instapaper">Instapaper</a> or something like it so that you can tag them and come back to them later. Subscribe to the RSS feed for Instapaper and you can have it directed to your reader so you can read them when you have time.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Purge Your Inbox</span> – Once in a while, we just have to start over. Scan your messages for key items you really want to keep and delete everything else. There are likely many messages you’ve been holding onto like old magazines, thinking you’ll get around to reading them. And just like old magazines, you have to throw them out periodically when they pile up.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Schedule Times for Review</span> – Don’t keep your email open all the time if you can help it. It is a terrible distraction and a great excuse for procrastination. Set up specific times of day when you check your email. You can even go so far as to do an auto-reply that states the times when you reply to messages.</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Leverage To-Do Lists</span><br /><br />Some don’t like to call it a “to-do list,” but we all have them. Whatever name you want to call it that empowers you, but be sure you capture running tasks somewhere.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Separate Tasks from People</span> – Keep your list of actions separate from your people. Managing relationships is more than a to-do, and an essential part of being successful in life and business. Make sure you have a place to capture the people you want/need to get back to, and schedule chunks of time each day to do so.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Tackle Low-Hanging Fruit</span> – To feel accomplished, make sure you write down and cross off the easy items. If you’re an achievement oriented person, this will make you feel great.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Prioritize Action Items</span> – While low-hanging fruit is attractive, be sure you are prioritizing the A, B, and C priority items appropriately and that you are tackling at least one A and B item every day. You’ll feel forward momentum, and be less likely to continually procrastinate.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Delegate</span> – Remember that being successful requires that you involve other people. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Consider items that you can delegate to other people, and go ahead and make the request.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Review and Plan</span> – Just as in the calendar section above, include a review of your to-do list in your planning for the week, and in your 5 minutes in the morning. You’ll better be able to anticipate how you want/need to use your time and energy.</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Energy: Committing, Expending, Replenishing</span><br /><br />All of the suggestions above have the power to positively enhancing your energy stores if executed appropriately and effectively. Here are some additional suggestions for impacting the energy you have available to you.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Practice Self-Care</span> – This is crucial. Read my blog post <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/self-care-pause-and-refuel.html" target="selfcare">HERE</a> for suggestions. Also consider implementing a <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/12/morning-workshop.html" target="morning">Morning Workshop</a> so you have some specific daily practices.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Just Say No</span> – We are often guilty of saying Yes more than we say No, for a variety of reasons. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/06/value-of-saying-no.html" target="yes">Create a list</a> of what you will say Yes/No to and honor yourself and others by not overcommitting. Consider practicing saying No 10 times a day or instituting a 30-minute wait time before saying Yes to anything.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Eliminate Clutter</span> – It’s a distraction and saps your energy. This includes both physical clutter in your living and work spaces, as well as mental clutter (including relationships that no longer serve you). Look for ways to clear this out and focus on <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coachingphilosophy.html#clutter" target="clutter">clutter-free living</a>.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Create a Toleration Checklist</span> – Like clutter, there are many things we simply tolerate. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/what-are-you-tolerating.html" target="tolerating">Read this blog post</a> on creating a list of things you are tolerating and commit to tackling them.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Clean Up Your Integrity</span> – When your integrity is out, you feel bad about yourself and you create a space for others to be out of integrity with you. This is mental clutter and is a power sap. Identify where you are <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/integrity-honoring-your-word-as.html" target="integrity">out of integrity</a> with yourself and others. Include everything: unreturned phone calls and email, bills that need to be paid, an unclean bathroom, an apology you need to give. Take it one action at a time. Regain your power!</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Reframe Obligation</span> – You are the only one who can make yourself feel obligated. Choose carefully and stand by your choice. Give without feeling obligated. If you are feeling obligated, don’t do it – unless you are willing to give that up.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Refresh Your Relationships</span> – Check in with people around you to keep your relationships fresh and current. Consider this blog post on the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/relationship-compact-define-and.html" target="relationship">Relationship Compact</a> for recommendations on how to do this.</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">You Don’t Have to Go It Alone</span><br /><br />We are used to being lone rangers in our lives, and forget that we have a whole network of people to support us – if we are willing to reach out and to allow them to assist.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Create Accountability Structures</span> – Share with people what you are up to and request that they ask you “how it’s going.” Appoint people as accountability holders and schedule times when you will check in</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Team with Others</span> – Share with more than one person and create a supportive team around you. Use your team for accountability. Buddy up with others to have them play along.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Make Requests</span> – Make more requests of people around you. Don’t be shy – people are more than happy and willing to support you. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/vulnerability.html" target="contribution">Be open to receiving contribution</a> – they love you for it. </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Get Support</span> – <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coaching.html" target="coaching">Hire a coach.</a> Get a therapist. Talk with a friend. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/asking-for-help.html" target="help">Ask for help</a> – there is no shame in it.</span></li></ul>Again, there are a million ways to manage your time and energy. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> By following any or all of these suggestions, you can organize and focus so that you can be your best self in all areas of your life and business.</span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-36264599957423230882011-02-09T10:36:00.007-06:002011-02-09T16:56:17.484-06:00Your Inner Critic is a Liar<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV7pSNDXIe5e3HazAvgTRTapYsHHEOxL4OOUuCb1YydBjG_UNPwueIhoxshRgReQDxmZRW3xIGZ6cqg2g__-CCqLI_Nr7Wj784sufz5j991UQEXc_6WZ33Bwfk2huURH_IpUJhABb8jA_O/s1600/Inner+Critic.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 133px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjV7pSNDXIe5e3HazAvgTRTapYsHHEOxL4OOUuCb1YydBjG_UNPwueIhoxshRgReQDxmZRW3xIGZ6cqg2g__-CCqLI_Nr7Wj784sufz5j991UQEXc_6WZ33Bwfk2huURH_IpUJhABb8jA_O/s200/Inner+Critic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571734291319402306" border="0" /></a>Have you noticed that voice in your head that criticizes every thought, emotion, action, and experience? Have you heard it saying that you will fail…that your [appearance, job, intelligence, abilities, etc.] are not good enough…that you’re wrong and bad? That voice is your inner critic. It drones on-and-on all day, and is a <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">master at spewing destructive lies and abuses at us</span>. Yet we continue to listen, and worse: believe.<br /><br />Have you found it hard to hear or believe positive compliments and kudos from others? We’re less likely to give them priority over the garbage we repeat to ourselves continuously. When we look at our achievements and our own true beauty, we question it or begin tearing it down so that we can return to those beliefs that we are inadequate and flawed. “Yeah, but…” is one phrase we mutter.<br /><br />Some believe the inner critic is our friend, while others would argue it’s the enemy. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Picture the devil and the angel on each shoulder – they are actually two sides of the same inner critic.</span> One wants to tear us down, while the other claims it wants to protect us. We formed this angel/devil when we were young as a way to shield us from criticism and preempt anything that may hurt us or cause us <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/discomfort-is-good-thing.html" target="discomfort">discomfort</a>.<br /><br />The problem is that over our lives, we build up far more damaging “protections” and criticisms that do more harm than good to our self-esteem and beliefs about what we are capable of <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/taking-action-before-you-do-start-with.html" target="being">being/doing/having</a>. The inner critic keeps us in our heads (criticizing and evaluating), deters us from taking risks, and pulls us out of <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/04/practicing-being-access-to-present.html" target="present">being present</a> and able to make conscious choices that are based on our <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a> and our true nature.<br /><br />This true nature I speak of is what <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">we have forgotten (or deny) about ourselves because we’ve been pushed and pulled and torn down (inside and out) for so long</span>. The truth is we are whole, complete, resourceful, and perfect just as we are. What did you just say to yourself when reading that statement? “That’s not true” or “Sounds nice, but…” or perhaps “He doesn’t know how screwed up I really am.” There goes that inner critic again attacking you, my statement, and maybe even me for saying them.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHCVGm3d1Ig38IijtiND0Ma_GdDFJL4r1A5zHTmkuF5SnUYOCjRZr4JYHygU3zQ2U4mDxkZp9SobAnDVWtGXqL5w1h7ms4ZTfZs8RDyFFAsgfH1oWgdKOYvQV5WzMQmXL4e8y23TkwcYjP/s1600/Taming+Your+Gremlin.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHCVGm3d1Ig38IijtiND0Ma_GdDFJL4r1A5zHTmkuF5SnUYOCjRZr4JYHygU3zQ2U4mDxkZp9SobAnDVWtGXqL5w1h7ms4ZTfZs8RDyFFAsgfH1oWgdKOYvQV5WzMQmXL4e8y23TkwcYjP/s200/Taming+Your+Gremlin.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571734484641056882" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">So what do we do about it?</span> For years, I have done a lot of work with “inner critic” on my own and with clients. There are many books and tools for dealing with the demons, but I have found one text to be fantastically useful: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-Gremlin-Surprisingly-Getting/dp/0060520221/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1297269722&sr=8-1" target="gremlin"><span style="font-style: italic;">Taming Your Gremlin</span>, by Dr. Rick Carson</a>. The book focuses on helping you “get out of your own way” by learning to tame the little gruesome creatures in your mind.<br /><br />Carson uses the word “taming” not “eliminating” because the Gremlins don’t actually go away. However, <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">with practice, we have the ability to learn how to manage them</span>. Gremlin-taming begins with “simply noticing” that they are there and learning to “play with options” for dealing with them.<br /><br />Incorporating some of Carson’s material, here are a few suggestions for approaching this process of dealing with your inner critic / Gremlins:<br /><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Build Awareness.</span> Pay attention to the chatter – which will likely be loud, repetitive, and pervasive when you first begin shining a light on it. Try to separate yourself from the statements. Remember: you are not the Gremlin. Do your best to listen, but try not to indulge it by believing what it is saying. The goal is to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/04/practicing-being-access-to-present.html" target="present">be present</a> to them in the moment, and to not engage or fight. Rather, to just hear it and acknowledge: “Ah yes, there it goes again.” I sometimes add: “Thanks for sharing.”</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Name Them.</span> I recommend writing down what your Gremlins are saying (in their exactly language) so that you can start naming them. At first, you may feel you have dozens, but after a while you’ll start noticing themes. You likely have about 6-10 different buckets you could put the statements into. Take the sting out of them by finding some creative names for them, like “The ‘You Suck and Everyone Knows it’ Gremlin.” For each Gremlin: write a description for (including gender, sound of voice, key characteristics), list some of the common criticisms, and if it helps, draw a picture of their ugliness. By naming them, you can say to yourself things like: “My Money Gremlin was attacking me when I was paying my bills today,” or “My ‘You’re Going to Fall Flat on Your Face’ Gremlin didn’t want me to take that risk.”</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Tell the Truth.</span> I suggest you create an “Awesome Me” description for yourself so you have something to counter the lies. This is what you know in your heart of hearts to be true about you when you are your best self – your abilities, your fantastic personality traits, your values, etc. Again, this is what you know is true, not what you wish was true. Go full out and give yourself some credit. Get creative with the name so that it resonates with you. Some have called it: Kick Ass Brian, Tara Full Throttle, and Anna Flavor.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Create Affirmations.</span> We have heard a lot about affirmations, and I do believe in them. However, the way I approach these statements is to create phrases that I know to be true (like Awesome Me), in words that is in my own style. The more they feel true and real to you, the more they will resonate when you repeat them to counter the Gremlins. If they are too “fluffy” or “fix it” in language and tone, they may feel flat and artificial and won’t empower you.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Consciously Choose Your Response.</span> After becoming more aware that the inner critic is chattering, you can start to “play with options.” When in the moment of hearing your Gremlins, take a breath and choose whether you want to believe the Gremlin or not, and then choose an action/response. For example, you can indulge the Gremlins (try setting a time limit for how long you will do this), you can fight them (which just feeds them and is not very effective), you can deny their lies as false (with an affirmation or reminding yourself of your “awesomeness”), or you can simply thank them for sharing (defusing them by not giving them power), etc. Creating a consistent meditation ritual also helps.</li></ol><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Remember: This process of dealing with your inner critic requires practice.</span> You must remember that it takes time and patience… and kindness toward yourself. You won’t be perfect, taming won’t come overnight, and the voices won’t completely go away. However, you can lessen their ability to derail and unravel you if you can continue to practice paying attention, <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/04/practicing-being-access-to-present.html" target="present">being present</a>, and consciously choosing your responses.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-33694651681836953582011-01-28T08:07:00.010-06:002011-01-28T14:53:05.616-06:00Flat-Lining is Not the Goal<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDLYGbrxX-dRt6pVYKlHF3tZoBMqfXQXdXckEm8bM3Qxsg2cdnbdcfLtIW-aimCz5gjHpMvXOZTqRxWWR3Jeeyq_pG9ep_jL14HilgPJPSiU80QEkg3PLfB5MKN2qukht_X5hL3Q_t0QM/s1600/Even+EKG.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 146px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTDLYGbrxX-dRt6pVYKlHF3tZoBMqfXQXdXckEm8bM3Qxsg2cdnbdcfLtIW-aimCz5gjHpMvXOZTqRxWWR3Jeeyq_pG9ep_jL14HilgPJPSiU80QEkg3PLfB5MKN2qukht_X5hL3Q_t0QM/s200/Even+EKG.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567240696298488386" border="0" /></a><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">Our lives are marked by the beating of our hearts</span></b> -- that persistent, forward-moving lubb-dub that coincides with the peaks and valleys of our pulse. The EKG image offers a great visual of this. When we are in action or stress, the pace accelerates. When we are calm or in a resting state, the pace is slower. But our hearts never deviate from the inevitable highs and lows of that ever-present beat.<br /><br />The EKG image is an excellent metaphor for our <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey through life</a>. We feel the <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">sharp heights</span></b> of elation and the positive emotions and thoughts that accompany success and expansion; conversely we travel through the <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">profound depths</span></b> of challenge and woe. But for much of it, we are moving along a mid-point (pause, breath) with <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">smaller blips that are a part of daily life</span></b>.<br /><br />We don’t control the lubb-dub of our heartbeat –- it’s involuntary and driven by our most basic part of ourselves (the primitive brain, the breath of life). Our higher-functioning mind does not think about it, nor do we want it to… we’d screw it up. In life, the highs and lows happen as a normal part of our experience. The mind again has no control over it, <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">nor do we want it to… we’d screw it up</span>.<br /><br />You might find yourself saying: “Yeah, but I don’t want to go through all that. Isn’t the point of meditation and yoga and therapy (etc., etc., etc.) to calm ourselves and bring more balance?” To which I reply, yes and yes. Calming does not eliminate the peaks and valleys. Balance does not deny the two poles of high and low. <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">If the goal was to rid ourselves of these points, we would not have the full breadth of experience that is fundamental to being alive -- we would flat-line.</span></b> And we all know what that means: death.<br /><br />What’s key is how we choose to relate to the beats of life.<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> It is both the joy and sorrow that make our experiences so rich.</span></b> And it is <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2011/01/discomfort-is-good-thing.html" target="fundamental">fundamental to our continual growth</a> and evolution that we travel this path. Our pulse may quicken when significant life events occur in rapid succession (birth, death, change, stress), or may remain slow or relatively constant when we are practicing <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/self-care-pause-and-refuel.html" target="self-care">self-care</a>. But, it never deviates from the inevitability represented in the EKG.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTFhSbD3jOyEm6tj_2vLv-rkKuL6FX9qYc6_FelQ3ZUh7PqvlhaHtzoLiMHysModcVtzTWPQEtTAF1J5cgMw5jPcT905zkXqJu_vICyYVnaBtEdw0-LM5EM2nnugCQFdPV_4J8wio-0zdC/s1600/Upward+EKG+Final.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 152px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTFhSbD3jOyEm6tj_2vLv-rkKuL6FX9qYc6_FelQ3ZUh7PqvlhaHtzoLiMHysModcVtzTWPQEtTAF1J5cgMw5jPcT905zkXqJu_vICyYVnaBtEdw0-LM5EM2nnugCQFdPV_4J8wio-0zdC/s200/Upward+EKG+Final.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567342569677078786" /></a>Flat-lining is not the goal. Rather, it is to <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">focus on shifting the line so that it travels at an incline</span></b>. We must find ways to manage our thoughts and our responses to life by <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/04/practicing-being-access-to-present.html" target="practicing">practicing being present</a> more often so that we can make conscious, <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values-aligned choices</a> moment-by-moment. By this, we make it possible over time to experience <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">more exhilarating peaks and less-strenuous valleys</span></b>. And we never stop feeling the richness and complexity of the gift of <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">living full-out</span></b>.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-63066831402571043792011-01-21T12:21:00.007-06:002011-01-21T13:49:09.814-06:00The Personal Development JunkieFew would deny that self-improvement and a focus on learning and development are a powerful way to live. It is an important practice to consistently invest in being your best, healthy self – with the end goal of feeling happy, fulfilled, and at peace. <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">Getting to know yourself and discovering hidden blind spots that profoundly alter your life can become intoxicating.</span></b> The “high” that is produced from personal transformation is inspiring but can also turn into an addiction. It can lead to a person constantly seeking the “fix” created by finding and doing the new, next best thing that will hopefully reveal “the secret” or give “the answer” to how they can be more, better, or different. <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">The difference lies in the intention behind <i>why</i> you are pursuing personal development and <i>how</i> you go about it.</span></b><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">WHY</span></b></span><br /><br />From a very early age, we infer a variety of messages from personal experiences, the words and actions of family and teachers, and from society and media that <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">we are wrong, broken, or simply “not good enough</span>.”</span></b> People have different ways they look to prove to themselves and others that this is not so. Some focus outward on achieving material success and indicators of “good enough” (job, possessions, credentials, recognition). Some focus inward on improvement of how they live and experience their inner and outer worlds – through therapy, coaching, self-help books and workshops, exercise, and spiritual practices.<br /><br />None is inherently wrong, and none is necessarily better than another. I’m a huge advocate of self-development and orient my life around “the work.” However, it is important to ask yourself: <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">Are you pursuing a particular course of self-improvement because you want to be your best you or because you are trying to fix something (inside or out) that you believe is broken?</span></b> If it’s the former, then that can be an exciting way to live. If it’s the latter, then it’s time to take a look at your motivations and work on healing the past so you can develop a greater sense of self love. As you’ve probably heard before (but perhaps have yet to believe) in a whole range of teachings from Eckhart Tolle to Carl Rogers to Jesus Christ: <span class="Apple-style-span"><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">you are whole, complete, resourceful, and an example of perfection just as you are in this very moment</span></b>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">HOW</span></b></span><br /><br />There are so many fantastic resources out there for supporting your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="journey">journey</a> of self-discovery – from racks of self-study books to experiential retreats to 1:1/group therapy. Gurus like Anthony Robbins and Oprah Winfrey; workshops through Landmark Education, Wright Institute, Avatar, and Body Electric; readings from Marianne Williamson, Don Miguel Ruiz, and Abraham-Hicks, and whole array of bloggers – these and many, many more <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">provide incredible insight into ourselves, others, and to existence itself</span></b>.<br /><br />You can explore and experience and discover and grow. That is awesome. It takes a certain amount of digging and honesty to get to the real meaty stuff. Learning about yourself is fantastic, but what are you going to do with this information? <b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">Where people often fall short of making the true, lasting improvements they are seeking is in the consistent and persistent application.</span></b><br /><br />Do you find yourself hearing and seeing the same messages over and over again? There is nothing new out there, as it’s all been said and done before but repackaged in more or less effective forms. When reading or participating, <b><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" class="Apple-style-span">try paying attention not only to what is being communicated, but how well you are actually applying it every day</span>.</span></b> It’s great to hear reinforcement of insightful messages, but it’s equally important to take that information and do something with it.<br /><br /><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span">At some point, you have to ask yourself how much more “work” you need to do on yourself before you can live the life you want.</span></b><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> </span>If you’ve been at this for a while, you probably already have enough to work with. Strive to create structures, commitments, accountability to others – anything that will support you in taking the action to reinforce and sustain your transformation. Remember this is not all about “achieving” happiness; you must allow it to unfold organically. Focus on breathing, quieting the mind, and finding ways to be more present, peaceful, and accepting (toward yourself and others). <div><b><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><br /></i></span></b></div><div><b style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i>The choice is yours:</i> You can either seek out the next “high” (that may lead to the next “low”), or concentrate on healing the <i>why</i> of your addiction and <i>commit to applying</i> all you’ve learned in your daily life.</span></b><br /></div>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-82439803563724630382011-01-14T12:41:00.002-06:002011-01-14T13:03:27.397-06:00Discomfort is a Good ThingWhen we are feeling threatened or in danger, our instinct is <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">fight or fligh</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">t</span>. This is an evolutionary mechanism that protects us. However, despite living in relatively safe environments, we still operate in this <span style="font-style: italic;">fight or flight mode</span> when presented with challenges of a mental or emotional nature. It’s our primitive selves in action, even though the threat of physical harm is usually low.<br /><br />As humans, we typically try to avoid anything that causes us discomfort. This is one reason why change is so hard. However, what people don’t necessarily realize is <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">discomfort is a prerequisite for lasting change and growth to occur</span>, because it requires that we break out of the familiar and stretch toward something outside our comfort zones. While I might not go so far as to say “no pain, no gain,” I will say that you want to strive to push yourself past comfort because that is the real sweet spot.<br /><br />When I consider the areas in my life that had the most lasting impact, they were areas where I was pushed/pulled toward an expanded version of who I know myself to be. Just like growing pains were a natural part of our physical development, so is the discomfort that accompanies our emotional and mental growth.<br /><br />Rather than resisting that which makes us uncomfortable or arouses fear, we can benefit from walking toward it knowing that is where the value and power lie. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Don’t resist it (<span style="font-style: italic;">fight</span>) or run from it (<span style="font-style: italic;">flight</span>) -- it’s a good thing to feel uncomfortable because you know you are entering new territory.</span> Stay with it and know it’s an important part of the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="process">process</a>. <span style="font-weight: bold;"></span>Discomfort can be our friend if we are able to see it as an opportunity for growth and change.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-48822835982206686742011-01-07T08:00:00.025-06:002011-01-21T12:17:25.345-06:00Taking Action: Before You Do, Start with BeAs the cliché goes, we are notoriously “human doings.” We are action oriented, and evaluate ourselves daily on how much we are doing, producing, and achieving. We have to-do lists and goals and resolutions and "<a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="shoulds">shoulds</a>." <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">We tend to place priority on problem solving and accomplishing tasks (<em>do</em>), so that we can yield some sort of outcome (<em>have</em>), and then <em>be</em> something or someone in the world.</span></strong><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWVMWySxa8urVV2TSdG5VtxeJQjCELIhnCmDOxpXM9y_0bT-zuhZmSSTWK5potv9FsBAFDxODtpf_gElV4lsu4a4BK6m6yrbv3XbDCH8k-JJMQxek7s92M2OYULSle16LNjIvEjIx-l6Og/s1600/Do+Have+Be.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 32px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564704184160816178" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWVMWySxa8urVV2TSdG5VtxeJQjCELIhnCmDOxpXM9y_0bT-zuhZmSSTWK5potv9FsBAFDxODtpf_gElV4lsu4a4BK6m6yrbv3XbDCH8k-JJMQxek7s92M2OYULSle16LNjIvEjIx-l6Og/s200/Do+Have+Be.jpg" /></a>When we are in this <em>Do-Have-Be orientation</em>, we often are evaluating our actions and whether or not we are worthy, valid, successful, productive, or [insert judgment here]. How many of you out there do your work/career, so you can have the money to create/maintain the life you want, so that you can be happy and fulfilled?<br /><br />Our intentions are not bad; rather they are misguided. <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">What would life be like if we were clear about who we are and what’s important to us, and made choices in alignment with that?</span></strong> It would seem our actions would flow more naturally and be better suited to what we really want today…as opposed to this continual tackling of to-do lists and email requests, and “<a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="shoulds">shoulds</a>” and “have tos.” Perhaps we would no longer feel like we are pushing a boulder uphill. Perhaps we could feel energized knowing that our actions are based on a solid foundation that is a reflection of the person we are now, not what we were in the past or believe we should be in the future.<br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">Our perspective and approach to what we are up to in our lives is just as (if not more) important to the outcome as the actions themselves.</span></strong> We tend to be happier and more satisfied when our actions are grounded in a sense of purpose and are aligned with our <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a>.<br /><br />Rather than enacting the <em>Do-Have-Be approach</em>, consider instead the <em><strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">Be-Do-Have Model</span></strong></em> -- a cycle of thought and action related to making, enacting, and evaluating choices.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs8G7sgNDCbExSdLlOERbkUGO5sTDUm1Z-FyzsDpQxj5cs6kydVMdwjXaMugNKfm6YY0q1lEcvDuH4sJrXeM4F3Jd41MUvkw9QN5l5OMTnqqEDLK0lNkBiQtSqY5aMZEbVh5697dBrnhUS/s1600/Be+Do+Have.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 190px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 200px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564704576029557730" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs8G7sgNDCbExSdLlOERbkUGO5sTDUm1Z-FyzsDpQxj5cs6kydVMdwjXaMugNKfm6YY0q1lEcvDuH4sJrXeM4F3Jd41MUvkw9QN5l5OMTnqqEDLK0lNkBiQtSqY5aMZEbVh5697dBrnhUS/s200/Be+Do+Have.jpg" /></a><br /><br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#ff9900;"><span style="font-size:180%;">BE</span><br /></span></strong><br />Rather than focusing first on the action and the "Do," let’s start with <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">who we are and what’s important to us</span></strong>, or the BE. While it is important to create structures, accountability, and targets, how often do we take a step back and ask ourselves why we are doing what we are doing? We get so caught up in the go-go-go of daily life and all the responsibilities that go along with it, we neglect to ask ourselves on a regular basis about:<br /><ul><li><strong>Purpose/Calling</strong>: Who am I? What am I passionate about? Who do I want to be in the world?</li><li><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values"><strong>Values</strong></a>: What’s important to me? What do I stand for?</li><li><strong>Motivators</strong>: What turns me on and off? What keeps me going?</li><li><strong>Influencers</strong>: What am I capable of? What do I really want?</li></ul><strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">How clear we are about the “why” has a huge impact on our levels of commitment, engagement, and satisfaction with the experience.</span></strong> It also affects our effectiveness, innovation, creativity, and ability to maintain and sustain the action over the longer term.<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#ff9900;">DO</span></strong><br /><br />We are experts at this part. However, when we are clear about who we are and what is important to us, the choice to act is much simpler. While we might need some assistance in figuring out the best actions to take, the <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">bigger picture goal is self-evident</span></strong>. We know we want something and are <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">willing to take the steps</span></strong> to move us in that direction.<br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#ff9900;">HAVE</span></strong><br /><br />Whether we are happy with the results or not, we get something. Perhaps it’s something tangible, or maybe it’s a feeling. Whatever the case, we are in a position to <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">evaluate our outcomes and choose</span></strong> whether we want <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">to continue</span></strong> on the same path, <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">cease</span></strong> what we are doing, or <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">reevaluate</span></strong> how we are going about it. When we reevaluate, it is important to cycle back through BE to confirm whether our self-assessment was accurate. If so, we analyze what worked and didn’t work in our previous effort to identify where our actions need to be repeated or tweaked.<br /><br />You are free to approach your experiences in whatever way you choose. <strong><span style="color:#ff9900;">Greater happiness and satisfaction in work and life come from being conscious of who you are and what’s important to you as a foundation for what you choose to do and create.<br /></span></strong><br />If you are interested in learning more about this, I am happy to share the Master’s thesis I wrote at <a href="http://www.sesp.northwestern.edu/msloc/" target="northwestern">Northwestern University</a> titled: <em><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/01/quest-for-happiness-values-vocational.html" target="thesis">The Quest for Happiness: An Exploration of Values, Vocational Choice, and Meaning in Life and Work</a></em>. <a href="mailto:info@judahkurtz.com">Email me</a> and I’ll send you either the full thesis or an executive summary.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-62584182558153256032010-12-23T14:29:00.011-06:002010-12-29T21:45:45.153-06:00The New Year: Looking Back, Looking Forward<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7yd8mE1f9KUQnCfb2gCGwBCs5GVcV67CCkO8f5ImChyphenhyphenRolQcHFkrK68-fGr4-obcr9GWwwCCW1-Jn0yGppP_fkaX2leHZ-S-1qSCIevFYfb3SpGgp9u9nfL6FPL23sz9tS08qf9l9TKz/s1600/Backward+Forward.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 96px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7yd8mE1f9KUQnCfb2gCGwBCs5GVcV67CCkO8f5ImChyphenhyphenRolQcHFkrK68-fGr4-obcr9GWwwCCW1-Jn0yGppP_fkaX2leHZ-S-1qSCIevFYfb3SpGgp9u9nfL6FPL23sz9tS08qf9l9TKz/s200/Backward+Forward.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5553990508435897954" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">As we bring each year to a close, it is important to reflect on what we’ve accomplished and learned, and to create intentions for what we want to be/do/have in the coming cycle.</span> This can be done at the calendar year and/or the solar year (your birthday), since recognition of what it took to get us here is just as crucial as planning for what we want our lives to be in the future.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">This is <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> about creating “resolutions,” as I believe they set us up for failure and feeling sh**ty about ourselves.</span> The resolutions people make are usually about fixing themselves and their lives, based on “there is something wrong here” or even worse, “there is something wrong with <span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>.” We are powerful, creative, resourceful beings that are <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/focus-on-process-not-result.html" target="path">traveling paths</a> that bring wisdom crucial for our ongoing development as humans and titans in our own corners of the world. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="" shoulding="">Shoulding on ourselves</a> has no place here.<br /><br />I created a three-part exercise called <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:100%;" >Looking Back, Looking Forward</span> that is about <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"></span>clarity, choice, commitment, creation, and celebration. I believe it important to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/you-win-because-you-say-so.html" target="win">set yourself up to win</a> by 1) creating <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">closure</span> for the ending year and celebrating all we did and did not accomplish and learn, and 2) <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">designing a living, breathing plan</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> </span>you will continually revise and update throughout the coming year.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">So, let’s get started.</span> You can do this on your own, or may consider working with someone close to you for part or all of this exercise to capture things you may be forgetting and to brainstorm out-of-the-box ideas. Whether flying solo or with another, find a quiet spot to write or type without interruptions. This may be in your home, a peaceful location where you feel calm and centered, or even a coffee shop. Breathe, relax, and reflect without judgment.<br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><br /></span><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">PART I: LOOKING BACK</span></span><br /><br />We so often want to charge ahead into “what’s next” without <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">taking the time to consider all that it has taken to get us here</span>. Who were we being that allowed us to create the successes and lessons? What did we do that gave us all we have? If we don’t take the time to acknowledge this, we miss out on honoring ourselves and our actions…and feel like we are always pushing ahead toward an elusive finish line that never shows itself.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Reflect.</span> Begin by reflecting on what you have accomplished and learned this past year, so that you can powerfully complete it with honesty and celebration. Consider these questions:<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">What did you accomplish that you intended to accomplish?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">What did you accomplish above and beyond what you intended?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">What didn’t you accomplish that you intended?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">What did you learn this year?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">What would you like to be acknowledged for and by whom? </span></li></ul>Below are some topics that you may want to include so that you can broaden your scope beyond the usual sectors of career, money, and health. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Try to write down at least 2-3 items in each of the following areas</span>, but you may find yourself putting down dozens of successes and lessons:<br /><ul><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Career</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: your real expression, not necessarily your “job”</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Money</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: includes both your finances and your “job,” if it’s not your “career”</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Health</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: mental, physical, emotional</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Relationships</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: friends, family</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Love</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: romance, partnership, dating</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Personal growth</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: learning, development, expansion</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Spirit</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: relationship to self, universe, higher power</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Community</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: contribution, involvement</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Physical environment</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: home/work space, clutter, living location</span></li><li style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:78%;" >Fun and recreation</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Time/energy management</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: how you spend/utilize your time, what you say yes/no to</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Communication</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: style, frequency, with/to whom</span></li><li><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >Miracles</span><span style="font-size:78%;">: something amazing and unexpected…</span></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Celebrate.</span> Then choose to celebrate the year in some way. It can be something like purchasing a gift for yourself, or it can be an action that doesn’t cost a dime. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Whatever way you choose to recognize what you have achieved, the most important part is you consciously take the action with celebration in mind.</span> Some examples may be taking a bath, making a toast or a special meal at home, or even going for a long walk.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">PART II: LOOKING FORWARD</span></span><br /><br />Instead of focusing on the usual corrections and repairs, get clear about what you really want, not what you feel you <span style="font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/shoulding-on-ourselves.html" target="should">should</a></span> want. Base it on your <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="values">values</a> and sense of personal purpose/meaning -- and then set objectives and intentions for what you want to do/have and who you want to be in the coming year. These include <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">tangible</span> goals, objectives, and activities, as well as <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">intangible</span> intentions around who you want to be. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Don’t be afraid to dream big.</span> This will always be a working draft document, and can/will be revised throughout the year.<br /><br />Then write down, in each of the areas listed above, a few intentions and objectives for the coming year. Some will be <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">continuations</span> of what you have already been focusing on (keep smoke-free, maintain my yoga practice, continue practicing patience with my kids), and some will be <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">brand new</span> (be open to taking risks, take a vacation, launch a blog). Don’t get too bogged down in the “how” just yet. Just allow yourself the space to be creative and think outside the “fixing” and away from the <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="more">"more, better, different"</a> point of view. What does your heart truly desire?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Some tips:</span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Create concrete <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/more-better-different.html" target="SMART">SMART goals</a> that include both a clear, concise description of what you want to create/accomplish, as well as a time-frame or “by when” date.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Be realistic</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> by setting achievable goals. Winning the lottery, for example, is out of your grasp. </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Describe your goals in </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >specific terms</span><span style="font-size:78%;">. Instead of "I don't want to be lazy," opt for "I want to exercise regularly" or "I will cut down on my television watching." Consider boundaries and what you may want to <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/declaring-yes-and-no.html" target="yes">say "yes" and "no"</a> to.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Break down large goals</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> into smaller ones. For instance, commit to losing weight by resolving to join a gym and improve your eating habits.</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >Find alternatives</span><span style="font-size:78%;"> to a behavior that you want to change, and make this part of your plan. For example, if you want to quit smoking, but have smoked to relax yourself, consider: What other forms of relaxation are available to you?</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Above all, aim for things that are </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);font-size:78%;" >truly important to you</span><span style="font-size:78%;">, not what you think you ought to do or what others expect of you.</span></li></ul><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">PART III: NOW WHAT?</span></span><br /><br />You have reflected on the past year, you have celebrated and put it to bed, and you have created intentions and objectives for the coming year. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">The next step is: action.</span> Remember, these are not New Year’s Resolutions; rather, they are part of your short and long term plans based on who you are and what you really want. Now is the time to jump in. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Here are some suggestions for initiating and keeping your goals alive for yourself:</span><br /><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Just pick something and start.</span> You will not take on all your goals at the same time. Pick the top 3-5 that you can start making a dent in right now, and begin practicing. You may even want to take on the easiest ones first, so you can experience immediate success to get you motivated.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Declare it.</span> By keeping key friends informed of what you are doing, you are setting yourself up with a <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/01/vulnerability.html" target="support">support system</a>. Share your successes and challenges. This will not only help you, but will also motivate others and help them feel like they are not alone.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Partner with someone.</span> Create structures or commitments to help keep you accountable. Find a workout buddy. Partner with someone to help you keep smoke-free. Hire a <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coaching.html" target="coach">coach</a>. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2008/12/asking-for-help.html" target="alone">You don’t have to go it alone!</a></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Use your calendar.</span> Make sure you have time and space set aside in your day for your activities, goals, etc. If a competing priority comes up, reschedule that time – don’t just cancel it. By carving out the space, it is more likely to stay top-of-mind and you are more likely to do it. Also, <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/09/planning-your-procrastination.html" target="procrastination">plan your procrastination</a> if that is a problem area for you.<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Baby steps.</span> Break your goals down into <a href="http://www.judahkurtz.com/coachingphilosophy.html#baby" target="baby">small chunks</a>. For example, if you want to lose weight or gain strength, set some targets for the next 3-6 months, then work backward to determine how you will achieve that target. Put in some milestones. Create some structures. But most importantly, don’t get overwhelmed by the bigger goal; remember that you only need to focus on TODAY.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Revisit frequently.</span> Make sure you keep your Looking Forward plan in front of you, and update objectives and dates as needed. You can even do a <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/its-time-for-mid-year-review.html" target="mid-year">Mid-Year Review</a> to reflect on the first six months and revise your plan for the second half of the year. It is all about keeping this alive for yourself. When you do your Looking Back, Looking Forward next year, it will not only be an easier exercise (since you've been keeping track all year and will have a lot to report!), but you will have a whole year of successes and lessons to draw from for creating the following year's blueprint.<br /></li></ol>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-11145742563188150812010-12-16T10:55:00.005-06:002010-12-16T12:02:18.562-06:00The Morning Workshop<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk1rC7rM_yIy4bkfDkCK8q4gA364-p4UjUwYzh047nSRaZRbQ_byijLpXQHFUF4ZjzdPyHIJYuNcsWX0ZoNWYujEehcJ8NKa4_RZcxw02bJsg8KOZ8j0yzqJYWVR8J07T6v2__1o1JDnAC/s1600/Morning.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk1rC7rM_yIy4bkfDkCK8q4gA364-p4UjUwYzh047nSRaZRbQ_byijLpXQHFUF4ZjzdPyHIJYuNcsWX0ZoNWYujEehcJ8NKa4_RZcxw02bJsg8KOZ8j0yzqJYWVR8J07T6v2__1o1JDnAC/s200/Morning.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551340581089279314" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Each morning, it is important to set the tone for your day by having a set of practices that clear out the junk from your mind/body/spirit and create intentions for what is to come.</span> This is about <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/self-care-pause-and-refuel.html" target="new1">self-care</a>, and it needs to go beyond just the physical preparations of making coffee, eating breakfast, showering and primping. And it need not take more than 20 minutes, depending upon the kinds of activities you want to set up and begin practicing. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">I call this “My Morning Workshop.”</span><br /><br />Consider what you need to give yourself a real jolt of <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">focus, energy, and enthusiasm</span>. What makes the most sense for you based on how you usually wake up – reflective, jubilant, morose, anxious, physically keyed up or worn out? Do you need to calm your mind, clear it out, or give it a jump start? Would you benefit from taking stock, wringing out stress, or asking for guidance and support? <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">What do you need to make your day one for </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);" href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/07/you-win-because-you-say-so.html" target="new2">winning</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">, not dragging yourself through or racing to an artificial finish line?</span><br /><br />Consider what you might want to include in your Morning Workshop. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Here are some suggestions</span> of things that work well. There are also additional suggestions in the blog post on <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/10/self-care-pause-and-refuel.html" target="new1">self-care</a>.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Physical</span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Stretching</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Yoga exercises</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Going for a walk or run</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Light weight training</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Deep breathing</span></li></ul><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mental/Emotional</span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Journaling</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.dr-jane-bolton.com/support-files/the-artists-way.pdf" target="new12">Morning Pages</a></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Speak <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affirmations_%28New_Age%29" target="new13">affirmations</a></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Deep breathing</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Setting an <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/setting-intentions-choosing-versus.html" target="new15">intention</a> for who you want to be today</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Planning out your day with your calendar/to-do list before you jump in</span></li></ul><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Spiritual</span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://lifehacker.com/5591576/a-guide-to-meditation-for-the-rest-of-us" target="new14">Meditation</a></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Prayer</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/08/gratitude-whats-present-vs-whats.html" target="new16">Gratitude</a> practice</span></li></ul>I’d like to share what I am currently doing each morning to help give you an idea of what this could look like. My current Workshop centers on the mental and spiritual (and breathing) to help me calm and focus; I save my physical exercise for later in the day. Yours will look different, depending on what your needs are. Don’t be afraid to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">mix it up</span> as your needs shift, but <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">be consistent</span> with doing something every day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">My Morning Workshop (under 20 minutes total)</span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Breathe deeply – throughout</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Light a candle, focus on my breath, and meditate – 10 mins.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Speak a spiritual treatment (a form of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affirmative_prayer" target="new7">affirmative prayer</a>) – 3 mins.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/08/gratitude-whats-present-vs-whats.html" target="new12">Gratitude</a> practice (“I am grateful for X, Y, Z”) – 1 min.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Speak my current affirmations while breathing deeply – 2 mins.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Set my <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2010/03/setting-intentions-choosing-versus.html" target="new9">intention</a> for the day (“My intention today is to be [calm, patient, focused, forgiving, etc.]”) – 30 secs.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Speak my closing thought (“I love what is. Today, amazing things will happen.”) – 10 secs.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">One final deep breath – 10 secs.</span></li></ul>Remember, you can (and should) change it up as needed. The main thing to remember is to honor yourself by committing a little time each day to doing it – even if you only have 5 minutes to get present to yourself and your day before diving in. But try to be consistent by doing it at a similar time each morning, and every morning. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">I can promise that after the first couple of weeks of </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">consistently practicing</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;"> this, you’ll start finding yourself more calm and focused -- not only at the start but more often throughout the day. </span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-9271663250512556982010-12-07T17:16:00.007-06:002010-12-16T10:59:43.841-06:00A Win-Win Sales Approach<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcV0HBSYCuclM1ix_GZMsOZF1GiOY55kSaIU_uLhsuPMoStuW9A_O0AyyzyR-A3BECbkbJa3el5WZgmwzGT51TgxrRTHbSyJ-UjGTC5qtK7ySAmnTYrIm5Smp20IWF04PaX08Pum-D0_0v/s1600/HandShake.png"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcV0HBSYCuclM1ix_GZMsOZF1GiOY55kSaIU_uLhsuPMoStuW9A_O0AyyzyR-A3BECbkbJa3el5WZgmwzGT51TgxrRTHbSyJ-UjGTC5qtK7ySAmnTYrIm5Smp20IWF04PaX08Pum-D0_0v/s200/HandShake.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5548089650995438642" border="0" /></a>To many, sales can be a stressful (or at least uncomfortable) process – whether you are in business for yourself or someone else, or are the one being sold to. But the sales process is necessary in every profession. Your version of selling may involve <span style="font-style: italic;">internal customers</span> (such as, seeking buy-in from your team for your ideas) and/or <span style="font-style: italic;">external customers</span> (enticing others to purchase your widgets, services, or expertise). And in some cases, you are using a version of sales in your personal life when you are attempting to persuade and influence people toward or away from a particular position (or even a restaurant choice!).<br /><br />For years, I have been using a simple sales approach that has been very effective. It incorporates authenticity, integrity, self-confidence, workability, and even appreciation. It is also focuses on peace and ease where <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">both parties walk away feeling like it’s a win-win, and each feels honored and respected in the process</span>.<br /><br />I was recently participating in a <a href="http://www.dailyom.com/" target="new1">DailyOM</a> self-study course called <a href="http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/courses/courseoverview.cgi?cid=36" target="new2">Heal Your Money Karma</a> (by Spencer Sherman and Brent Kessel). In one of their lessons, they outlined a sales process called <span style="font-style: italic;">“Earning More with Less Effort.”</span> As I was reading it, I was nodding my head repeatedly saying to myself, “Yes, yes! I already do that! This is exactly like my own sales process!” Because there are so many parallels, I have incorporated some of their points into the following process:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">The 6-Part Win-Win Sales Approach</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"></span><blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 1: Get Clear</span><br />Before you can pitch anything, you need to know what you are talking about – so that you are clear and confident when you speak. Take the time to think through <span style="font-weight: bold;">1) what is most important for you to communicate to others</span> (i.e., your intentions, your features or approach, the fee structure, etc.) and <span style="font-weight: bold;">2) who your market is</span> (i.e., who you will (and want to) be talking to, and what’s important to them). The clearer you can be for yourself, the easier it will be for you to be present and authentic with people.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">A note for entrepreneurs</span>: I highly recommend a book called <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Book-Yourself-Solid-Reliable-Marketing/dp/0470643471/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1291764215&sr=8-1" target="new3"><span style="font-style: italic;">Book Yourself Solid</span> by Michael Port</a>, for getting clear about the who, what, how, where, and why.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 2: Determine Level of Interest and Fit</span><br />When talking with a prospect, it is important to be unattached to the outcome and to put your attention on them. Rather than focusing on “getting them” to be a client or a customer (or a convert to your idea or point of view), focus on identifying mutual interest and fit. Does it make sense for you to work together? <span style="font-weight: bold;">Emphasize that your intention is for it to be a win-win for you both. Ask probing questions and above all else, do more listening than talking.</span> Your objective is to identify whether partnership and collaboration are possible, and whether there is alignment in each party’s wants, needs, and <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="new4">values</a>. It’s about both what’s in it for them AND what’s in it for you.<br /><br />Do you feel like there is interest and fit on both sides? Perhaps you need to ask the question. If you are clear it is there, you can move onto step 3 to deepen the discussion around what is possible in the partnership. If interest and fit aren’t there (on either side), refer them elsewhere, and ask if they will refer you (if appropriate). There is no need for worry or disappointment; there are plenty of others out there that will be a better fit for you both. <span style="font-weight: bold;">You want to honor both party’s time and energy by assessing fit relatively quickly. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 3: Be Transparent and Authentic</span><br />If you both decide there is interest and fit, it’s time to dig a little deeper and talk about the particulars of working together. Understand where your client is coming from. Again, ask questions and do a lot of listening. What they say will inform how you choose to present your product/service/idea, with the intention of giving them the information they need to make an informed decision. It is important to be transparent and authentic, because <span style="font-weight: bold;">anything that even remotely stinks of coercion or deception will be in the space</span>. We’ve all been in those conversations where we know there is more going on behind the scenes – and that leaves us wanting to run for the hills.<br /><br />State anything up-front that you believe may cause concern, get in the way, or become a deal breaker. If you voice it, you are more likely to remove the emotional charge or fears that could be in the space if you were to keep silent and wait for it to become an issue. These may be issues around personal style or approach, concerns about company size or competitor differences, or even worries that gender may get in the way. Sherman and Kessel use this example:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">A Sikh colleague of mine starts his sales conversations by telling the prospect "I’m concerned that my turban might get in the way of our doing business together." This statement is instantly disarming, and it takes his ethnic and cultural difference out of the equation.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 4: Discuss Money Sooner Rather Than Later</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you feel weird about discussing money, so will your prospect.</span> This is something worth working through, as you will get in your own way, and will likely bring unconscious stuff into the space. When it comes to costs and fees, it’s better that you bring it up before your prospect does. Because money is such an emotional conversation/issue for people, you are more likely to take the charge out of it if you have an open dialogue about it. I recognize that issues of worth may come into play here, but <span style="font-weight: bold;">the more you practice speaking with confidence (and without apology!), the easier it will become to talk about it</span>. And the sooner you state your fees/price, the less likely you will feel later to discount. Sherman and Kessel have this to say:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Say it outright: "My fee is in the X-thousand dollar range; is that a barrier to us working together?" Or, in the case of a non-monetary transaction: "I have a 30-minute presentation; I’d like the audience’s full attention. Will that be a problem for you?" For the most part, buyers will say it is not a problem or there is no barrier because they’re intrigued to hear what you have to offer.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 5: Have an Open Dialogue</span><br />You are probably getting that sales is about asking the right questions, giving the prospect (and the sales process) space to breathe, and allowing the conversation to go where it needs to without being attached to the outcome. Of course, you will benefit from creating the intention of making a sale – but it must be a win-win for both parties. At this point, you have explained who you are, what you offer, your fees/prices, and any concerns you wanted to address.<br /><br />Now is the time to ask the prospect about any concerns or need for additional information or clarification. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Let them talk, and be sure to really <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/03/are-you-really-listening-probably-not.html" target="new5">listen on all levels</a>.</span> Share how you will answer their issues, and ask if your response addresses their concerns. Don’t say anything; just wait for the “yes” or “no.” If it’s a “yes,” you can move on to the next step. If it’s a “no,” perhaps you didn’t really understand their issue or need more information. If you don’t have a solution, be sure to say so. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Better to be up-front about limitations, than to over-sell and not produce on the other end</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Step 6: Determine Next Steps</span><br />In the spirit of being bold and confident, particularly after having this robust discussion, you will want to <span style="font-weight: bold;">ask the question: “What do we do next?”</span> Ask this only if you are clear that YOU want to work with them; otherwise, you will want to tell them that you don’t believe you are a match. Through this whole process, you want the prospect to feel free to make whatever choice they need/want to make without fear of your reaction. Don’t help them or offer suggestions, nor should you pressure them in any way. As you probably already know, people have a hard time saying “no,” so <span style="font-weight: bold;">you want to empower them to make the best choice for them</span>.<br /><br />In some cases, the prospect will say: I’m ready to sign/buy now. You’ve got your deal, and based on your particular offering, you’ll know what steps are necessary to seal the deal (draw up a contract, set up delivery, etc.). In others, they may say “no” (for whatever reasons they have). If this is the case, ask for a referral to others who may have an interest in your service/product/idea.<br /><br />In other cases, they may say they need more information, or time to think about it. In this last situation, it’s up to you what you want to do. If they need more information, help them get it. If they are still researching (comparing competition, etc.) or need more time, you can either 1) choose not to wait, say it’s not a fit, and ask for a referral, or 2) set up a follow-up date. In my business, it is not unusual for a prospect to say they would like some time to think (or check their budget, etc.) to which I respond: “Not a problem at all, but I do request that we check-in X days from now so we can close the loop.” People appreciate that and feel they are being respected. And you are respecting yourself too.</blockquote>At the end of the day, remember that <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">this is about providing impeccable service (even if you are selling a product or idea), such that the prospect feels heard, understood, and honored.</span> Many referrals come from people who had a great experience with you, even if they didn’t actually make the purchase (at least, not yet!). I’ve certainly had many people refer me who were never my client because they enjoyed our interactions and my no-pressure, unattached approach. And I’ve had people call me two years after meeting me saying they were now ready to work with me.<br /><br />Remember that <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">the key to successful sales is focusing on the win-win. </span> Know your stuff, be authentic and transparent (integrity and trust-building), keep the process low-key (no high-pressure!), ask good questions (listen more than you talk) and address concerns directly, and be unattached to the outcome (there are plenty of prospects out there). Whatever the result, both walk away feeling like they won because coming to an agreement to work (or not) together was a collaborative process.<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"><br /><br />Following the six steps may not end in a sale for you every time, but it might result in a future business (a “no” now may be a “yes” later). And you never know who might refer you, simply because of how awesome you were to interact with.</span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-1285334704862788532010-10-08T10:25:00.005-05:002010-10-08T10:58:27.725-05:00The Relationship Compact: Define and Redefine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkxPlHsbmnqBRk3JR-Rsf_TVvbcwQWPTaSw_0RA7bokprShSQnu07AW4BQp6fqAEDMHXFRtwFU6CSlqVX6KE79UclyXqGf1zS6JaT0jRKwCgd1ZwEz87j9krDCD766n_Va-uovgEkj2wW/s1600/Relationships.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 132px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkxPlHsbmnqBRk3JR-Rsf_TVvbcwQWPTaSw_0RA7bokprShSQnu07AW4BQp6fqAEDMHXFRtwFU6CSlqVX6KE79UclyXqGf1zS6JaT0jRKwCgd1ZwEz87j9krDCD766n_Va-uovgEkj2wW/s200/Relationships.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5525703455747666514" border="0" /></a>As people, we evolve over time. And so must our relationships if we want them to keep pace with our own growth, change, needs, and priorities. We have a variety of people in our lives –- family, friends, community members, work colleagues, clients, acquaintances, people who provide us services, and the list goes on. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Each relationship has a different compact, whether explicit or implied, and it is important to understand the agreement and refresh the terms as needed.</span><br /><br />This is much clearer in <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">working relationships</span>, as more often than not there are defined expectations for the roles we are supposed to play. As service providers, we often set forth the terms in a contract so both we and the client are clear about what will and will not be provided. As managers and employees, our annual performance appraisals are based on how we measure up to the competencies defined for the role and organization, to the job description that outlines the requirements of the position, and to what our boss (hopefully, collaboratively) defines as objectives for performance and goals.<br /><br />However, in <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">personal relationships</span> we are often operating in the dark or from habit. Expectations from family relationships are typically outdated –- based on unspoken “rules” created when we were very young. In friendships and romantic relationships, we often fall back on old patterns of behavior from past experiences, and sometimes keep people in our lives well beyond the relationships’ expiration dates. When we meet new people, we see them through filters and place them in certain categories and classifications that direct us toward how we will choose to interact and bond (or not) with them.<br /><br />So, what do we do about this? How can we refresh our present relationships? For new connections, how can we set clear, healthy boundaries for ourselves and others at the outset that will serve as strong foundations for the future?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Current Relationships</span><br /><ol><li>Take an inventory of your current relationships. Start with the key people you have the most vested interest in: specific family, friends, colleagues, etc. </li><li>For each person, ask yourself which ones are and are not working well, and why? Which ones have run their course? Be honest.</li><li>For each person, reach out to create a conversation with the intention of having a frank discussion to refresh the relationship and define/redefine the compact. The post “<a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/04/360-feedback-from-people-in-your-life.html" target="new">360 Feedback from People in Your Life</a>” can support you in how you go about setting these up, and what questions to ask.</li><li>Commit to having regular check-ins on your relationships. We do this at work; why not do it with the people in our lives.</li></ol><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">New Relationships</span><br /><ol><li>When you meet someone, be open to seeing them for who they really are, not just what we want them to be. Be transparent and authentic in how you interact with them, so they can get to know you without the mask of “looking good” or “being likeable.”</li><li>Get crystal clear about what you want in your relationships at this juncture. Not what you used to want, or what you think you should want/have. Be present tense. This might change in one month or six, but it’s important to be conscious of your current wants/needs.</li><li><a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/05/values-awareness-choice-alignment.html" target="new1">Understand your values</a>, and identify whether this new person meshes up with them or not.</li><li>Set boundaries for yourself. Where appropriate, be explicit about setting boundaries with them. For both self and others, these parameters might include: time, what you’re willing and not willing to do/give, what you want/need, and how emotionally/mentally available you are. </li><li>Commit to yourself to have regular check-ins so that you can keep the relationship current.</li></ol><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">This might seem really methodical and perhaps even contrived, but it really does work. </span> While each discussion will look different and may not go to the lengths I mention above, at very least you will have put some <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">thought</span> into your relationships. Where you take steps to have discussions, you will open up <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">dialogue and space</span> for the relationship to breathe. You will also set some <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">boundaries and commitments</span> to one another that allow for greater transparency and authenticity in your interactions. Finally, you will <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">model</span> a really fantastic process and set of behaviors that others may feel compelled to bring into their own lives.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">We are not built to operate in isolation –- we are social animals.</span> It is important to make investment in the people that mean a great deal to us on both the personal and professional levels. Take the time to get clear, be courageous, and get in conversation about your relationships. It will have a ten-fold return.Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-23733772198241558072010-10-01T10:34:00.007-05:002010-10-01T11:20:22.830-05:00Self-Care: Pause and Refuel<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvsUuBaOA6_idcWEO0jm8j3jqHIPCMUvGSK18BcsTVU0LIUiR52LA4RlZ4NY8f9ddZqRe3ovQl6iOav2nr8twBNTSY2cJLxaHHuwFXSazQVR-7VRVMPZceILGjMydX-oZQK9INtpegsRn0/s1600/self-care.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvsUuBaOA6_idcWEO0jm8j3jqHIPCMUvGSK18BcsTVU0LIUiR52LA4RlZ4NY8f9ddZqRe3ovQl6iOav2nr8twBNTSY2cJLxaHHuwFXSazQVR-7VRVMPZceILGjMydX-oZQK9INtpegsRn0/s200/self-care.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523108725397993410" border="0" /></a>When you don’t focus on <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/08/make-self-ishness-priority.html" target="new1">making self-ishness a priority</a>, you run the risk of burning yourself out. You experience greater anxiety and stress, are less productive and effective, and are more prone to health issues. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">By taking some time </span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">every day</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> that feeds your body, mind, heart, or spirit, you are not only giving yourself the sustenance to keep going, but are respecting and honoring YOU as someone who deserves attention and nurturing. </span><br /><br />It all starts with making your well-being the first priority – before anyone else. If you don’t fill your goblet first, you won’t have much left over to give to others. Healthy doses of stress (<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">eustress</span>) are a normal part of life, and help us to push ahead with impact and velocity. However, when we experience high intensity and long durations of stress (<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">distress</span>), our physiology moves into a “fight or flight” mode. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);"> Over prolonged periods, our physical and mental health deteriorates, and our heart and spirit scream for relief. </span><br /><br />To drive this point home, take a moment to consider yourself in the following situations and pay close attention to how you feel. Take note of your breathing, your posture and facial expressions, and the thoughts and feelings that go along with it.<br /><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Driving your car in rush hour</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Getting a last minute work assignment</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Misplacing something in the house</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Having something break while you're using it</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Dealing with incompetence at work</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Planning your budget</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Being blamed for something</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Waiting in a long line at the grocery store</span></li></ul>Did you notice yourself tensing, getting irritated, or even saying, “That drives me crazy when that happens!”? <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">When we are not practicing self-care, we are more prone to over-reacting versus taking a step back, breathing, and practicing patience.</span> If you actively find time to reduce “distress,” you will feel less inclined to jump to hyper-emotional reactions. You will find yourself more able to choose responses that best serve you and the people around you.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">You don’t need a lot of time to practice self-care.</span> It can range from taking some deep breaths in the midst of stressful situations, to stepping away from your desk for a 10 minute break to re-center yourself, to carving out an hour or two to do something creative, relaxing, or even invigorating like a long run.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Here are some examples of self-care.</span> They are broken down into categories, but any of these suggestions would affect <span style="font-style: italic;">all areas</span> of body, mind, heart, and spirit.<br /><blockquote><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">BODY </span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Take a walk </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Get some exercise or take a yoga class </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Soak in the bathtub </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Sit in the sun for 15 minutes </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Take a nap or go to bed early </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Get out into nature</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Make one improvement in your diet </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Get a massage </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Drink lots of water throughout the day</span></li></ul><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">MIND </span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Say an affirmation </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Read (or listen to) a book for pleasure </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Write a letter or email to a friend </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Make a list of your short- and long-term goals </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Sign up for a class </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Do some journaling </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Write a short story or poem </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Plan your day in the morning, and review at bedtime </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Hire a coach to help you make self-improvements<br /></span></li></ul><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">HEART </span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Listen to music you love</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Do something creative - take pictures, paint/draw, be musical<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Play with your child or pet – or play by yourself (operative word: play)<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Have a heart-to-heart conversation with a close friend </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Hug someone or ask for a hug </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Acknowledge yourself for accomplishments you’re proud of </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Feel your fear and take an action anyway (the definition of “courage”) </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Write a letter to someone who has hurt you, and don’t send it </span></li></ul><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">SPIRIT </span><br /></span><ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Visualize yourself in a peaceful place </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Do something of service for another </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Connect with Nature </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Meditate </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Pray or go to spiritual services </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Practice daily quiet time (in whatever form) </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Practice daily gratitude (name 5 things you’re grateful for when you wake or retire) </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"> Learn about a religion or spiritual practice different from your own </span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;">Give a gift to someone anonymously</span></li></ul></blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Practicing self-care is well worth the time, energy, and effort. You'll be more present, happier, healthier, and ultimately more effective in all that you do.</span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5502173815003030671.post-80629926000396063662010-09-16T13:10:00.010-05:002010-09-16T21:57:12.612-05:00Communication: Defining Roles and Asking for What You Need<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwiSmtaZLvQ8qDdKDLIpoJQj24x6UCvQKND79Fa0ebvqXnwnFl0_RYPclXaPidBpC2vzlaOxFvT_n5j6fCcTHG54zk7WnfZjuRtxw9oteJIbvVbjdgA73uUCEjPoNzJw-j3cDr14t7dZNS/s1600/communication.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 156px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwiSmtaZLvQ8qDdKDLIpoJQj24x6UCvQKND79Fa0ebvqXnwnFl0_RYPclXaPidBpC2vzlaOxFvT_n5j6fCcTHG54zk7WnfZjuRtxw9oteJIbvVbjdgA73uUCEjPoNzJw-j3cDr14t7dZNS/s200/communication.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5517579088188672738" border="0" /></a>How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and thought to yourself, “Ugh, I really just want to share this and not have them try to solve the problem”? Or, on the flip side, “Hmm, I don’t know how best to support this person right now”? In both cases, whether you’re the one sharing or the one on the receiving end, it’s important to get clear about what’s needed in the moment for the conversation to be useful. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">Here are some recommendations on how best to do this:</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">When Sharing</span><br /><blockquote>When in the position of having something to share with someone – whether it’s venting, seeking counsel, brainstorming options, etc. – it’s key to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">get clear from the beginning what you need and to ask for it</span>. For instance, if you really need to get something off your chest and you just want to be heard, then say: “I am going to share something and I just want you to listen.” In this example, you let the person know what you need (to be heard) and what role they can play (listener, and nothing more). Another example: “I have been dealing with a challenging situation and want to get your objective input on how best to approach it.” Here you are saying that you need input and suggestions, and the person can be prepared to have his/her ears and thinking hat on simultaneously. </blockquote><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">When Receiving</span><br /><blockquote>When on the receiving end of communication, it is helpful to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">establish what role the person wants you to play</span>. This may happen at the beginning before they start sharing, or after they are finished sharing and you are preparing to respond. In either case, I find it helpful to say: “Do you need me to listen, or are you looking for a response from me?” You can ask: “<span style="font-style: italic;">Who</span> do you want me to <span style="font-style: italic;">be</span> here… a partner, a friend, a manager, a coach, an objective 3rd party…?” This helps guide <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/03/are-you-really-listening-probably-not.html" target="new">how to listen</a>, as well as allows you to offer the kind of feedback (or not) they are looking for.<br /><br />Another recommendation is to <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">ask permission from the person before giving your input</span>. For example, you could say: “I have some thoughts about this. May I share them with you?” Or, “I have a few suggestions… are you interested in hearing them?” In these cases, if the person really is not interested in getting feedback, they can say so. Even if they are not sure they really want feedback, if they gave you permission to do so, they can’t hold it against you because you prepared them for it. </blockquote>Communication is challenging. We all have varying degrees of experience, training, and facility with it. Consider whether you need to take steps to improve your skills in this area and seek it out. <a href="http://www.judahbuddha.com/2009/03/are-you-really-listening-probably-not.html" target="new1">Listening</a> in particular is an area where most people could use an upgrade. Objectively assess yourself (or ask for feedback from others) and determine where some training would be beneficial.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">At very least, if you can get clear about roles and what each party needs when communicating -- and actually have a conversation about it -- it can be a much more positive, productive experience.</span>Judah S. Kurtzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15428851694980847871noreply@blogger.com0